Bahai Life Coaching by Susan Gammage

SUSAN GAMMAGE’S

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Applying Bahá'í Principles to Real Life Situations

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Healing Childhood Abuse

The following article originally appeared in “Parenting in the New World Order”, March 1993, and was published with the permission of the National Spiritual Assembly of the Bahá'ís of Canada. It is reprinted here with permission.

Note: This particular installment is a bit long because of its content. Print this out, find a nice comfortable chair, and learn how to heal from childhood abuse.

The following personal experience is explicit and may be triggering for some people. If you think this is you, please make sure you have some support when reading it.

Bahá'u'lláh’s version of a New World Order, with the family at the centre, as a nation in miniature was an exciting concept for me.

I understood instantly the importance of shaping such a unit, but being able to implement it is quite another thing.

I grew up in a middle class, professional family, in an environment of alcoholism, neglect and physical, emotional and sexual abuse. My father was an alcoholic but had a responsible position in a Western Canadian city. In his industry, he was highly renowned and respected for his integrity and high moral standards. At home, he was a very volatile, violent man, who beat his wife and children, sexually abused my brothers and I and took us on camping trips, which involved satanic cult activities including bestiality, murder, rape and cannibalism.

My mother also held senior positions in the companies she worked for. She was also extremely violent, sexually abusive and active in preparing me for participating in cult activities. I was terrified of both of them, all the time.

I was sent to religious private schools for my education and was sexually abused by the female teachers at two of the schools I attended. I was brought up in the . . . church and the Church of Satan simultaneously. It was very confusing because many of the same people were involved in both places.

I was also sexually abused by an uncle, a grandfather and the husband of one of our baby-sitters. In one way, I was fortunate because I grew up distrusting men and women equally. So now, as I heal, I can see the need for all of us to work together to overcome the effects of such oppression and abuse.

As is typical of people who have experiences such trauma, I developed many coping mechanisms which kept me alive through experiences which no adult could survive.

I’ve envied the martyrs in the Bahá'í Faith, whose torture was relatively short-lived and ended in death for something they believed in. The torture I endured lasted for seventeen years, but the effects have lingered another eighteen and will be with me for the rest of my life.

Rest assured in the protection of God. He will preserve His own children under all circumstances. Be ye not afraid nor be ye agitated. He holds the scepter of power in His hand, and like unto a hen He gathereth His chickens under His wings.

‘'Abdul-Bahá, Star of the West, vol. 22, p. 248.

I was close to being killed at least three times – once in fact I had been bound and gagged and placed on a stone alter, “chosen” to be “fed to the fire.” I was only four years old, and had already been raped and violated by men and women many times. I was prepared to die. I was ready to die, but at the last minute, as the flames were getting closer, somebody came and I was thrown off and rolled away as the adults pretended they were picnicking and playing volleyball.

I married when I was eighteen, to a man who was thirty-seven; a man who brought his gun and knife collection into our bedroom. He never had to get angry with me – I always did what I thought he wanted. The guns and knives were a silent threat.

Having a family was always my dream. Having a marriage last was another I wanted more than anything else to be “normal”.

Several miracles occurred out of my experiences. When I was a child, I had a strong relationship with God, I prayed frequently – especially for the abuse to stop. When it didn’t, I stopped believing in God. God knows how I became a Bahá'í – I certainly don’t – but my son is now eight years old and I am raising him as a Bahá'í, and not in the cult, and I am not sexually abusing him. I’ve broken two multi-generational patterns, so my prayers were answered, just not in the way or in the time frame I had imagined.

I have been in therapy for the past four years trying to sort out my experiences and trying to use the Bahá'í teachings in my recovery. I struggle daily to bring my life into the standards of the Faith.

Concepts such as institutions as “loving parents” are difficult for me to understand (what is a loving parent?!) - but I’ve tested the concept twice and I’m beginning to learn. I went to the Bahá'í Local Spiritual Assembly of . . . to request their input into the terms of my divorce, and I wrote to the Universal House of Justice, asking what my obligations were to my family. Both consultations were very powerful, and have been tremendous forces in my personal growth.

I love 'Abdul-Bahá’s writing:

My home is the home of peace . . .

And I try to use it as a guideline, but I’m not always successful. It’s hard to live life in the present when anything can trigger a frightening memory.

I’ve come to realize that I have lived most of my life from the perspective of a four-year-old, whose turn it is to die, wanting to die, and now it’s time to choose to live. Reclaiming memories of my childhood, committing myself to live life consciously, recognizing oppression when it is happening and choosing to deal with it head on instead of avoiding it, are all part of my healing process.

Much of the time I feel that my son is being parented by an adult body with the feelings and experiences of a four year old. Many times I am confronted with situations that my role models simply didn’t prepare me to deal with – so when my son was little and I wanted to take out my frustrations on him, I took him in my arms and held him close and said or sang the prayer:

Is there any remover of difficulties save God? Say: Praised be God! He is God! All are His servants and all abide by His bidding.

The Báb, Bahá'í Prayers, p. 28.

over and over while the feeling passed and an opportunity presented itself – and it always did.

So often I feel that my son is teaching me how to parent. He often can see a solution that just makes sense. Sometimes, when my self-esteem is low, I remind myself that the Bahá'í Writings are very clear that the parent is to be in charge, but I always trust the Bahá'u'lláh is guiding my life on the right path, and is teaching me through my son.

I pray for him and with him often, and although he has always vigorously opposed prayer and reading the Writings and calling himself to account daily, I’m hoping that these things will stay with him.

Recently I decided to write to the Universal House of Justice for their guidance. Their response has had a profound effect on my healing and I thought it might be of assistance to others in similar situations.

Holidays have always been difficult times for me, but since I confronted my parents with the sexual abuse two years ago, they’ve been especially difficult. They have chosen to deny their involvement and I have been unwilling to engage in a relationship with them that is not based on truth. I have no contact with them and until I got a letter from the Universal House of Justice, I assumed this meant that I was being a bad daughter, and an unforgiving Bahá'í. The Universal House of Justice wrote:

“. . . being prudent in deciding upon the appropriate amount of contact with your parents, in reaching your decision, you should be guided by such factors as:

· their degree of remorse over what they inflicted on you in the past

· the extent of their present involvement in practices which are so contrary to Bahá'í Teachings and

· the level of vulnerability you perceive within yourself to being influenced adversely by them.”

The statistics for sexual abuse are shocking. Some researchers claim one out of three girls and one out of eight boys under the age of sixteen have been victims of sexual abuse.

R. Badgely, Sexual Offenses Against Children, Ottawa, Ontario,

Canadian Government Publishing Centre 1984.

Many of us are reclaiming our awareness as adults. Many of us are parents. The Bahá'í Faith may even attract a higher percentage than these statistics to its fold. People who have experience great injustice in their lives will be attracted to a Faith based on justice. However, we as Bahá'ís are not talking about this. We aren’t saying out loud:

my family didn’t look anything like the Bahá'í teachings and I don’t know how to implement these concepts
I can’t trust so I can’t consult
God has let me down – so why pray? – or Fast? _ or give to the Fund?
Obeying loving parents resulted in injustice and oppression – so why should I obey laws that look oppressive?
My behaviour is moderate, or acceptable under the law of the land, so surely this Bahá'í law doesn’t apply to me
I am angry and I can’t instantly forgive.

When I first started my healing journey, I went to the Bahá'í Writings for guidance and found:

Thy name is my healing . . .

God is sufficient . . .

Seek no other helper . . .

So I felt guilty looking for a therapist. God wasn’t sufficient in the sense I thought it meant, but He was sufficient in showing me the right people at the right time. The Universal House of Justice confirmed this in their letter, writing:

“. . . you may well find it useful to seek the advice of experts such as your therapist.”

I used to feel that I was a bad Bahá'í for not being able to instantly forgive my parents, but the Universal House of Justice wrote:

“You are urged to strive to develop forgiveness in your heart toward your parents who have abused you in so disgraceful a manner, and to attain a level of insight which sees them as captives of their lower nature . . . “

For me, this means that I may never get there, and as long as I continue to strive, I’m doing the right thing.

Nowhere in the letter from the Universal House of Justice does it say I should stop looking at the memories and dwelling on the past, as I have been told by many well-meaning friends. Instead, the Universal House of Justice writes:

“You are truly blessed to have been enabled to accept Bahá'u'lláh as the Manifestation of God for this Age, and to have access to the limitless spiritual powers with which His life-giving Revelations is infused. You can draw on these powers by your prayers, as well as your participation in the work of the Faith and in the life of the Bahá'í community; through this effort and through your consultation with competent professionals having expertise in your area of need, you can promote your healing from the damaging effects of your past experiences, and can find happiness and tranquility.”

So I’m not sure what this has to say to parents looking for ideas on raising their children – except I know that there are many people out there who are struggling with similar experiences and are wondering what the Bahá'í approach to recovery might be.

I’m sure that because of the shame and the need for perfectionism that many of us just struggle with, we will continue to find the Writings to “beat” ourselves with instead of the ones which will heal.

Having had such a clear letter from the Universal House of Justice has validated my struggle and helped me to know that I am on the right track – and I know that if I work on becoming a better person, my parenting sills are bound to improve too.

None of use grew up in the kind of families Bahá'u'lláh calls us to create, and as adults, we need to take a close look at who we are and where we came from. We need to make conscious decision to change the patterns we don’t like. And we need to trust the guidance we’ve been given in the Bahá'í Writings. Sometimes this may mean having to create a family of choice as we leave behind our family of anger. God will guide us and protect us on our parenting journey. All we have to do is ask.

I believe that all of the answers we need are in the Bahá'í Writings and that we just need to learn to use them to assist us. Particular assistance came to me from the letter from the Universal House of Justice, for example the ideas that:

healing is not expected to be instantaneous or absolute, but can be “promoted”.
I am not expected to instantly forgive my parents “To strive to develop forgiveness’ seems to acknowledge that it may never be achieved in this lifetime.
I am not obligated to see, spend time with or take care of my parents in their old age. I am encouraged to be “prudent in the deciding upon the appropriate amount of contact with your parents.”
It’s OK to feel vulnerable and “to seek the advice of experts such as your therapist”

The letter from the world Center closes with the following:

“The House of Justice offers you its abundant sympathy at what you have suffered, it’s loving concern for your welfare, and its encouragement to you to look to the future with confidence and optimism. You are urged to ponder these reassuring words of Bahá'u'lláh: “O my Servants! Sorrow not if, in these days and on this earthly plane, things contrary to your wishes have been ordained and manifested by God, for days of blissful joy, of heavenly delight, are assuredly in store for you. Worlds, holy and spiritually glorious, will be unveiled to your eyes. You are destined by Him, in this world and hereafter, to partake of their benefits, to share in their joys, and to obtain a portion of their sustaining grace. To each and every one of them you will no doubt, attain.”

I am happy to send copies of the Universal House of Justice letter to anyone who wants it, and I’m happy to share my journey with anyone who needs to talk about being a Bahá'í and having less than 'Abdul-Bahá-like responses to the injustices thy have had.

Local Assemblies who require guidance in dealing with cases involving abuse should contact the National Spiritual Assembly.

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QUESTIONS? COMMENTS? IDEAS? OPINIONS? Visit the blog here:

What two questions would you like to ask about how to apply the Writings to your situation? What do you need help with? I will be able to answer them in person if you have taken advantage of our email support (click here); otherwise, I will answer them at our upcoming teleseminar. If you aren’t already subscribed, click here for an invitation to our next one.

PLEASE visit the blog and click on the “comments” link to post your questions, comments, ideas and opinions. While you’re there, read what other people are saying.

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MEET SUSAN GAMMAGE Susan Gammage has helped hundreds of people move past places where they were stuck in their lives. If you would like to get to know Susan a little better, you’ll find her background at www.susangammage.com

ATTENTION TO ALL BAHÁ'ÍS ...

Finally, someone who can help you to apply the divine remedy to your life situation! Visit: www.susangammage.com

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July 2008

SUSAN GAMMAGE’S BAHÁ'Í-INSPIRED LIFE COACHING BEST PRACTICES NEWSLETTER The Web's Leading Newsletter on

Applying Bahá'í Principles to Real Life Situations

You (or someone else) recently signed up to receive The Bahá'í-Inspired Life Coaching Newsletter. If you didn't sign up for this newsletter you may unsubscribe at the end of this email.

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Now get ready to receive strategies and techniques to help you grow and prosper using spiritual principles.

Single Mom’s Raising Sons to Maturity

The following article originally appeared in “Parenting in the New World Order”, October 1996, and was published with the permission of the National Spiritual Assembly of the Bahá'ís of Canada. It is reprinted here with permission.

It is the bounden duty of parents to rear their children to be staunch in the Faith, the reason being that a child who removeth himself from the religion of God will not act in such a way as to win the good pleasure of his parents and his Lord. For every praiseworthy deed is born out of the light of religion, and lacking this supreme bestowal the child will not turn away from any evil, nor will he draw nigh unto any good.

Bahá'u'lláh, Bahá'í Education, p. 6.

It’s difficult enough for parents to raise their boy-children to be strong in the Bahá'í Faith. For single moms the challenge can be even more difficult. A boy growing up without a father may love his mother, but he will probably feel uncomfortable talking with a woman about his masculinity (especially as he hits those wonderful teen years). Or he may feel as if a female can’t understand the need for him to express his manhood. That’s why single mothers raising boys must commit to helping their sons understand what it means to be a mature man.

There are steps you can take to instill Bahá'í-like masculine qualities in sons:

1. Introduce them to heroes of the Faith, by reading or telling them stories from The Dawn Breakers or use a wonderful taped series by Hand of the Cause of God William Sears telling the stories.

2. Keep a copy of Vignettes from the Life of 'Abdul-Bahá handy.

3. Subscribe to Brilliant Star magazine. It has good stories about heroes and modern day kids and the issues they face.

4. The book Thoughts: Education for Peace and One World by Irene Taafaki has stories categorized by virtues with quotes and stories from all the world’s religions.

5. Another book which is excellent for the pre-teens is A for Effort and Other Stories for Today’s Young Heroes, by Susan J. Allen. Each story portrays Bahá'í youth struggling to put the teachings into effect despite tremendous peer pressure.

Seek out male role models in the Bahá'í community. One ideas is to team up with single dads to trade off mentoring time. If chosen carefully, the team parent could have a positive and profound influence on your child. Ask for time from dads in your Bahá'í community.

Attend family summer and winter schools. Your child will have an opportunity there to meet dads who are receptive to being a mentor and role model. Encourage your sons to attend Bahá'í Children and Youth Programs as often as possible.

Don’t’ get discouraged if you can’t find a mentor right away. God knows what your child needs. If you earnestly ask Him about providing that special person, He will answer you in His time and in His way.

To meet the challenges of life in the 90’s, our boys need guidance along their road to manhood and if parents don’t provide the direction for their children, the world will. What are we waiting for? Don’t let the few years you have to mould your sons slip away.

NOTE FROM AUTHOR: the resources listed in this article are obviously dated. What would you recommend to single Mom’s this year? Post your ideas on our blog:

IF YOU LIKED THIS NEWSLETTER,

then please FORWARD IT TO A FRIEND. Send it along and tell them they can get their own copies at: www.susangammage.com

Please forward in its entirety, including copyright notice. Thanks! All email addresses are kept confidential.

QUESTIONS? COMMENTS? IDEAS? OPINIONS? Visit the blog here:

PLEASE visit the blog and click on the “comments” link to post your questions, comments, ideas and opinions. While you’re there, read what other people are saying.

BLOG

Make sure to visit the blog for more strategies, concepts and ideas to help you integrate Bahá'í principles into your day-to-day life.

BACK ISSUES

To read back issues of this newsletter, please visit:

USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR PUBLICATION You have my permission to use this article in your publication as long as you include my tag line information.

ATTENTION TO ALL BAHÁ'ÍS ...

Finally, someone who can help you to apply the divine remedy to your life situation! Visit: www.susangammage.com

Newsletter sent only to subscribers who have requested it. If you didn't subscribe, or can't remember subscribing, we apologize for any inconvenience.

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August 2008

October 1, 2008

BNASAA Conference Announced

SUSAN GAMMAGE'S

BAHA'I-INSPIRED LIFE COACHING

NEWSLETTER The Web's Leading Newsletter on

Applying Baha'i Principles to Real Life Situations

October, 2008

IN THIS ISSUE

Update

7 Steps to Using a Confidence Role Model

Questions and Answers

BLOG

October Responding with Love

The Right to Vote

Selflessness, Service and Sacrifice

September Teaching Children to Have High Moral Standards

Abundance

Friends

Mona, Angel of Shiraz

Debt

God Centred Baha'i-Inspired Life Coaching

Death, A Messenger of Joy

Laughter - a Source of Solace

Courage and Teaching

Update

Welcome to the first edition of this Newsletter! I am excited to let you know that I will be launching my new website, and officially opening a Baha'i-Inspired Life Coaching business sometime within the next couple of weeks. To give you a preview of what's coming, I will be sending you a series of emails over the next couple of weeks, as I lead-up to the official opening. Each newsletter will feature an excerpt from one of the e-books I will be selling, or give you some more information on Life Coaching. I hope you find the articles informative, and I'm happy you'll be sharing in the excitement day-by-day as it unfolds!

7 Steps to Using a Confidence Role Model

Just how confident are you?

A low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence can have a negative effect on every area of your life. It stands in the way of who you are right now, and the person you are meant to be. It limits your ability to live out who you truly are.

If you don't make a conscious decision to work on improving your confidence levels, your low self-confidence can destroy your life. Your limited self-confidence will have a negative impact on your ability to advance in your career, build meaningful relationships and live a successful and happy life in general. When your self-esteem hits rock bottom, what should you do? Think of someone whose confidence levels you admire; a colleague, friend, someone in your family or even a famous personality who oozes self-confidence; someone who has high self-esteem and someone you admire - perhaps even 'Abdu'l-Baha. Adopt them as your CONFIDENCE ROLE MODEL. Ask yourself: How would my confidence role model deal with this situation?

1. He/she would act like . . .

2. He/she would talk like . . .

3. He/she would walk like . . .

4. He/she would think like . . .

5. Their body language would be like . . .

6. Other people think that this person is

. . .

7. When faced with problems, this person thinks . . .

When you have your answer, put these qualities into action. ACT AS IF YOU ARE THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BE AND NOTICE THE RESULTS. Don't worry if this feels awkward, because it will! After all you are acting out what you are really not. It will take a while for it to sink within and feel normal. Are you struggling with this assignment? I'm here to help. Contact me for a 20 min free get-acquainted session.

Questions and Answers

What does the Baha'i Faith teach about fate and predestination?

"Some things are subject to the free will of man, such as justice, equity, tyranny and injustice, in other words, good and evil actions; it is evident and clear that these actions are, for the most part, left to the will of man. But there are certain things to which man is forced and compelled, such as sleep, death, sickness, decline of power, injuries and misfortunes; these are not subject to the will of man, and he is not responsible for them, for he is compelled to endure them. But in the choice of good and bad actions he is free, and he commits them according to his own will." ('Abdul-Bahæ#402;¡, Some Answered Questions, p. 248.)

Do you have a question? If so, please send it in. Unfortunately I can't answer each one individually, but I'll try to answer as many as I can, in these newsletters.

If you liked this newsletter . . .

. . . then please FORWARD IT TO A FRIEND. Send it along and tell them they can get their own copies by sending a blank email to bahailifecoach@profollow.com

Please forward in its entirety, including copyright notice. Thanks! All email addresses are kept confidential.

Use this article in your publication

You have permission to use this article in your publication as long as full attribution and copyright notice are given.

Meet Susan Gammage | About the Baha'i Faith |

206-114 Brunel Rd, Huntsville, ON P1H 1K5, CANADA

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October 14, 2008

BNASAA Conference Announced

SUSAN GAMMAGE'S

BAHA'I-INSPIRED LIFE COACHING

NEWSLETTER The Web's Leading Newsletter on

Applying Baha'i Principles to Real Life Situations

October 14, 2008

IN THIS ISSUE

Update

How to Get What you Want out of Life

Questions and Answers

Forward to a Friend

BLOG

October Responding with Love

The Right to Vote

Selflessness, Service and Sacrifice

September Teaching Children to Have High Moral Standards

Abundance

Friends

Mona, Angel of Shiraz

Debt

God Centred Baha'i-Inspired Life Coaching

Death, A Messenger of Joy

Laughter - a Source of Solace

Courage and Teaching

Update

I hope you are enjoying the articles in these newsletters. With each edition, I am basing the topic from one of the e-books I will be selling at the website. They're all full of great information, and I hope that you will take time to think through the questions and use them to propel your life forward.

How to Get What you Want out of Life

Different people look at life in entirely different ways. While some people let things happen to them, others go out and make things happen. It's very important to have an understanding of which group you belong to.

If you are driven by a compelling vision, you have a greater chance to feel good about yourself.

If you have a true mission, you have a better chance to know where you are going in your life.

When you feel you are in control of your life and events, you will naturally feel more confident and motivated to achieve more.

Life Coaches love to ask questions, to help people come to their own answers. The following is a series of questions for you to ask yourself in order to do some soul searching and to give yourself some insights into what you are all about and why you are here. Having the right question, and answering it well, is one way to get what you want out of life:

1. As a child, what did you dream of becoming?

2. Which three people do you think have influenced your life the most and why?

3. If you could choose your career and get paid whatever you wanted, what would you opt for?

4. What are your top three achievements in life so far? What was so special about them?

5. Doing what makes you the happiest in life?

6. Who are the three people who you admire the most? What are their characteristics and qualities you admire so much?

7. Have you ever helped someone less fortunate than you? If yes, what did you do? If no, why not?

8. List out your greatest strengths?

9. What steps should you take in life to maximise your strengths?

10. What is that one thing for which you would be willing to put everything on the block for? Why?

11. Imagine that all the time you spent till now comes back to you. How would you utilize it now? What would you do with the time this second time round?

12. There are sure to be results/ events in your life you are happy about? What are these? Which are the results/ events you are unhappy about?

13. Is there a word of advice you have picked up from your life so far that you want to pass on to the world?

14. Name one thing you value the most in life?

15. What would you really like to do with your life?

The whole point of getting you to think about those questions was to really get you to think about what you want now and what you wanted for your life when you were younger.

Is it easier for you now, after answering these questions, to realize what you want from life and how you are going to get it? Assignment:

Research has shown that when you identify a goal and tell another person about it, you're more likely to carry it out. To make you accountable for moving forward, I'd like you to set a goal from this new learning, and post it at the blog: http://bahailifecoach.blogspot.com/2008/10/how-to-get-what-you-want-out-of-life.html and then when you've achieved it, I'd like you to tell us that too.

Are you struggling with motivation in one area of your life? I'm here to help! Contact me for a 30 min free get-acquainted session.

Questions and Answers

Question: What can I do to be a happy and joyful being?

Answer: In Paris Talks (p. 65), 'Abdu'l-Bahᠧives us a hint: "When we find truth, constancy, fidelity, and love, we are happy; but if we meet with lying, faithlessness, and deceit, we are miserable."

Take a look at the people in your life who you can trust and who make you happy, and spend more time with them.

What two questions would you like to ask about how to apply the Writings to your situation? What do you need help with? Please send your questions to susangammage@sympatico.ca Unfortunately I can't answer each one individually, but I'll try to answer as many as I can, in these newsletters.

If you liked this newsletter . . .

. . . then please FORWARD IT TO A FRIEND. Send it along and tell them they can get their own copies by sending a blank email to bahailifecoach@profollow.com

Please forward in its entirety, including copyright notice. Thanks! All email addresses are kept confidential.

Use this article in your publication

You have permission to use this article in your publication as long as full attribution and copyright notice are given.

Meet Susan Gammage | About the Baha'i Faith | Contact Us |

206-114 Brunel Rd, Huntsville, ON P1H 1K5, CANADA

To unsubscribe or change subscriber options visit: http://clients.profollow.com/z/r/?ThisIsATestEmail

October 21, 2008

Forming a Vision for Your Next Career Move

Susan Gammage's

Baha'i-Inspired Life Coaching

Newsletter

October 21, 2008

IN THIS ISSUE

Update

Questions and Answers

Tell a Friend

BLOG

10/21/08 Setting Limits for Children on Sex and Violence

10/13/08 Forming a Vision for your Next Career Move

10/12/08 Secret of Getting Motivated

10/12/08 How to get What you Want out of Life

The Web's Leading Newsletter

Applying Baha'i Principles to Real Life Situations

Update

10/21/08 Susan Gammage

This was written on October 14, which is when this newsletter was scheduled to go out: Today's job was finding an audio recorder, so that I could put my voice onto the website. I've been looking for one for awhile, picking people's brains (thanks Chris and Phyllis!), and finally found one that I think will do the trick. The web designer promises to have it done in a couple of days, and then I will be able to go through it and make certain that what I asked for is what he delivered; check to make sure the links all work and the shopping cart is integrated with the autoresponder program, and the RSS Feeds all work and . . . are you as puzzled as I am about what this all means? It's all a wonderfully exciting learning curve and I can't wait to see how the pieces all come together. Stay tuned!

Obviously, it didn't go out as planned . . .

Alas, the newsletter program I am working with, refused to save any of my changes, so I've spent the past couple of weeks trying to figure out why - first I had to delete cookies and cache; and when that didn't work, I had to install a different browser - Firefox - because it doesn't like Internet Explorer - then I had to write it in a text editor because it didn't like Word, then I had to create a template to work from - then finally, finally after countless attempts, I figured out the main problem was that it didn't accept the Baha'i diacritical marks. So now I hope it will save and all will be well!

The website cut-off date was October 21st, and I fully expected to be launching the site last week, but alas, that was not to be either! The website had to be converted from HTML to PHP to make it easier for me to make changes myself (which is a good thing), so the web designer has been busy working on inserting the content this week. He's now off for a few days for Diwali, the Hindu festival of Lights. So I'll keep you posted on the launch date, but it won't be for at least another couple of weeks. Thank you for your patience!

Forming a Vision for Your Next Career Move

10/21/08 Susan Gammage Did you know that the average person will change careers 7 times in a lifetime? So it's natural for people to be considering what they want to do next. The key is to find one that you really love and enjoy. There are a thousand career options open to you today, so there is a great chance that you can find a line of work that you can excel in and which also gives you sustained gratification. The following exercise will help you to determine your likes and dislikes as well as your career aspirations. Please take your time in answering the questions, and as you answer, you will start to formulate some conclusions as to what is "right" and what is "wrong" in a career for you.

LIFESTYLE

Identify the key characteristics of your ideal lifestyle - what would they be? Challenge yourself to think of at least 10. (i.e. 2 hours quality time with the kids every night, earn $60,000 a year, 30 minute travel time to work, 2 holidays per year, work in a team, etc.) Does/will your current career allow you to achieve your ideal lifestyle?

LIKES/DISLIKES

What are your likes and dislikes at work? Make 2 lists below. What activities do you enjoy? Which activities would you rather avoid? Does your current job have more likes or dislikes?

STRENGTHS & WEAKNESSES

What are your key strengths and weaknesses? (Consider the following: experience, qualifications, training, ability, attitude and knowledge).

PERSONALITY

Does your current career fit with your personality type? Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Do you like to learn by doing or by thinking and reflecting? Do you like variety and changes to the work that you complete or do you like routine and certainty?

IDEAL DAY AT WORK

Describe in as much detail your ideal day at work - what sort of things would you be doing?

IDEAL CAREER - CHARACTERISTICS

Write a sentence or two which includes all of the above ideas, then based on all that you have written so far, determine the ideal career for you.

ASSIGNMENT:

Research has shown that when you identify a goal and tell another person about it, you're more likely to carry it out.

To hold you accountable for moving forward, I'd like you to set a goal from this new learning, and post it at the blog: http://bahailifecoach.blogspot.com/2008/10/forming-vision-for-your-next-career.html, and then when you've achieved it, I'd like you to post that too.

Are you struggling with this assignment? I'm here to help! Contact me for a 30 min free get-acquainted session.

Questions and Answers

10/19/08 Susan Gammage

Question:

I want to "earn my livelihood by my calling" and I want to stay at home and raise my children. How can I decide which is better? Answer: "In response to a question concerning whether Baha'u'llah's injunction requires a wife and mother, as well as her husband, to work for a livelihood, the Universal House of Justice has explained that Baha'u'llah's directive is for the friends to be engaged in an occupation which will profit themselves and others, and that homemaking is a highly honourable and responsible work of fundamental importance to society." (Baha'u'llah, Kitab-i-Aqdas, Notes, p. 193)

What two questions would you like to ask about how to apply the Writings to your situation? What do you need help with? Please send your questions to susangammage@sympatico.ca

Unfortunately I can't answer each one individually, but I'll try to answer as many as I can, in these newsletters.

If you like this newsletter . . .

. . . then please FORWARD IT TO A FRIEND. Send it along and tell them they can get their own copies by sending a blank email to bahailifecoach@profollow.com

Please forward in its entirety, including copyright notice. Thanks! All email addresses are kept confidential.

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206-114 Brunel Rd, Huntsville, ON P1H 1K5, CANADA

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October 13, 2008

BNASAA Conference Announced

SUSAN GAMMAGE'S

BAHA'I-INSPIRED LIFE COACHING

NEWSLETTER The Web's Leading Newsletter on

Applying Baha'i Principles to Real Life Situations

October 13, 2008

IN THIS ISSUE

Update

The Secret of Getting Motivated

Questions and Answers

Forward to a Friend

BLOG

October Responding with Love

The Right to Vote

Selflessness, Service and Sacrifice

September Teaching Children to Have High Moral Standards

Abundance

Friends

Mona, Angel of Shiraz

Debt

God Centred Baha'i-Inspired Life Coaching

Death, A Messenger of Joy

Laughter - a Source of Solace

Courage and Teaching

Update

I had an email from my webmaster last night, to say that the next draft of the website will be ready to review on Wednesday. He's in India and I'm in Canada, so you can imagine the challenges of consulting via email! I have so much great content at the website and I'm so excited to be able to share it with you, but a little scared too - there are so many decisions to make and things to learn, and software in the back-end, and I'm going to have to launch it on faith that everything will run smoothly. So please, keep the launch in your prayers!

The Secret of Getting Motivated

Have you ever heard these old sayings?

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

Leave nothing for tomorrow which can be done today.

If you're like me, you've probably heard them a hundred times before.

Are you one of those people who always put things off till later? Have there been times when you felt you lacked the confidence and skills to do a certain task? Well, you're not alone! This is a problem that almost everyone goes through at least sometime in their life.

Here is a simple equation that you can apply whenever you are faced with the responsibility of taking a decision as to whether something should be done or not.

This is how it goes...

D x V x P > C

DISSATISFACTION WITH STATUS QUO

First of all, you must be really discontent with the way things are at present.

VISION

You should have a clear vision of the situation that you look forward to attaining through the change. You should also be clear as to why you want it.

PRACTICAL STEPS

You should be aware of the steps involved to implement the change. An action plan detailing the things you need to do has to be drawn up.

D x V x P is the formula of your desire for change.

COST OF CHANGING

What will you have to let go in order to make way for the change? How much will the change cost you? Will it affect your beliefs and ideologies?

The underlying rule is this: you will proceed with the change only if your desire to change is greater than the costs of the change.

Once you've decided the cost is worth it, take action. Motivation will provide that inner drive you need to achieve your goals. Assignment:

Research has shown that when you identify a goal and tell another person about it, you're more likely to carry it out.

To hold you accountable for moving forward, I'd like you to set a goal from this new learning, and post it at the blog: http://bahailifecoach.blogspot.com/2008/10/secret-of-getting-motivated.html, and then when you've achieved it, I'd like you to post that too.

Are you struggling with motivation in one area of your life? I'm here to help! Contact me for a 30 min free get-acquainted session.

Questions and Answers

Question: I don't seem to have enough money to pay my bills and have anything left over. What can I do to get more money?

Answer: Pay your Right of God (Huqq). We are told that:

"If the people had not withheld the Right of God they owe but rather had paid what was due, or would pay it now, they could be recipients of God's loving-kindness. We entreat God to graciously grant them abundance."

(The Compilation of Compilations vol. I, p. 502)

"This ordinance is binding upon everyone, and by observing it . . . it will serve to purify one's possessions and will impart blessing, and added prosperity. However, the people are as yet ignorant of its significance. They continually endeavour to amass riches by lawful or unlawful means in order to transmit them to their heirs, and this to what advantage, no one can tell." (Huququ'llah, p. 15) What two questions would you like to ask about how to apply the Writings to your situation? What do you need help with? Please send your questions to susangammage@sympatico.ca Unfortunately I can't answer each one individually, but I'll try to answer as many as I can, in these newsletters.

If you liked this newsletter . . .

. . . then please FORWARD IT TO A FRIEND. Send it along and tell them they can get their own copies by sending a blank email to bahailifecoach@profollow.com

Please forward in its entirety, including copyright notice. Thanks! All email addresses are kept confidential.

Use this article in your publication

You have permission to use this article in your publication as long as full attribution and copyright notice are given.

Meet Susan Gammage | About the Baha'i Faith | Contact Us |

206-114 Brunel Rd, Huntsville, ON P1H 1K5, CANADA

To unsubscribe or change subscriber options visit: http://clients.profollow.com/z/r/?ThisIsATestEmail

December 9, 2008

Why Failure is Really Success

Susan Gammage's

Baha'i-Inspired Life Coaching

Newsletter

December 9, 2008

IN THIS ISSUE

Update

Questions and Answers

Stories from the Early Days

BLOG

Setting Boundaries

Setting Limits for Children on Sex and Violence

Forming a Vision for your Next Career Move

Secret of Getting Motivated

How to get What you Want out of Life

The Web's Leading Newsletter

Applying Baha'i Principles to Real Life Situations

Update

12/09/08 Susan Gammage This issue's topic "Why Failure is Really a Success" is an attempt to put my frustrations into perspective. It's been quite awhile since my last newsletter and I've had enquiries from my loyal readers, wondering the reason for my silence. My mother taught me: "If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all." - so that's the reason I haven't been in touch. I've continued to have energy sucking technological challenges with various hardware and software programs; and delays with the website from a company which doesn't tell the truth - only what they think I want to hear - and as we've learned in the Bahai Writings: "without truthfulness, progress and success are impossible." So I have no news to report on the official launching of the website and opening of the life coaching business. I am taking clients prior to the launch, however, so if you think you might be interested, please email me at: susangammage@sympatico.ca

Why Failure Is Really a Success

12/09/08 Susan Gammage

When something doesn't go your way, what's the first thought that pops into your head? Do you chastise yourself? Or do you reassure yourself that you are growing stronger and wiser with each challenge you face? . . . we must realize that everything which happens is due to some wisdom and that nothing happens without a reason. (Abdul-Baha, Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 46.) In reality, it's not the successes that make you a stronger, more successful person; it's the failures. This may sound odd, but each failure you have is actually a success. Why, you ask? Because it gives you the opportunity to improve, learn, and try again.

Let's take a look at a couple of the world's greatest failures that lead to the some of the most ubiquitous inventions of our time.

Did you know that 3M's greatest failure was inventing glue that won't stick? That glue became the basis for the sticky backing on the "Post-It Note."

Thomas Edison's invention of the carbon microphone was a failure which contributed significantly to the commercial success of the telephone and remains in use today.

This doesn't necessarily mean that each failure you encounter will land you with an immediate success. But it's always a stepping-stone along the way.

"The more often the captain of a ship is in the tempest and difficult sailing the greater his knowledge becomes. Therefore I am happy that you have had great tribulations and difficulties... Strange it is that I love you and still I am happy that you have sorrows." (Abdul-Baha, Star of the West, Vol. XIV, No. 2, p. 41.)

You Can Only Appreciate Success

After You've Failed

Thomas Edison had an incredibly positive attitude about failure. When he was questioned as to why so many of his experiments were failures, he responded by saying that he never had a failure in any of his experiments, rather, each experiment helped him discover another way that something would not work. In reality, sometimes the only way to know whether you've succeeded is to fail.

Learning How to Deal With Disappointment

Dealing with the disappointment of failure can be tough for adults as well as for children. But everyone experiences failure at some point in their lives and teaching our children how to deal with the disappointment is a critical life lesson. Can you imagine a young adult, either a teen or college student, dealing with their first failures in the workplace? A tantrum at any age is not appealing, never mind from an adult who should know better. Consider the very wise words of Winston Churchill who said, "Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm." What did he mean exactly? Well here are three reasons why failing is a good thing: 1. Inspiration - Before you laugh, think about your childhood when you didn't get something right the first time. What did you do? Tried again and again! Each time the thought in your head was, "I am going to get it right this time!" What better motivation do you need?

2. Humility - No one is perfect, sometimes we need to be reminded of that very fact! Can you imagine a world where no one ever failed and we all walked around thinking we were God's gift to the world? 3. Learning - Success makes you feel good, but failing teaches you a lesson. Think back to the first time you swung a bat, learned to walk, or tried to eat with a fork. Did you do it right the first time? Of course not. Did you figure out with each failure what you were doing wrong? Well if you can swing a bat today, walk and eat with a fork then I guess you did! "Thus you might look upon your own difficulties in the path of service. They are the means of your spirit growing and developing. You will suddenly find that you have conquered many of the problems which upset you, and then you will wonder why they should have troubled you at all." Shoghi Effendi, Living the Life, pp. 35-36. Failure brings positive change and success to those who are resilient. What goals do you need to set, to move you forward from failure to success?

Assignment:

Research has shown that when you identify a goal and tell another person about it, you're more likely to carry it out. To hold you accountable for moving forward, I'd like you to set a goal from this new learning, and post it at the blog: http://bahailifecoach.blogspot.com/2008/11/why-failure-is-really-success.html , and then when you've achieved it, I'd like you to post that too.

Are you struggling with this assignment? I'm here to help! Contact me for a 30 min free get-acquainted session.

Questions and Answers

12/09/08 Susan Gammage Question: I'm overwhelmed with life and struggling with the many tests and difficulties in front of me, and thinking of resigning from the Assembly. What will help me make this decision?

Answer: "You have asked what to do since psychological problems sometimes make it difficult for you to participate in community events and Assembly meetings. In striving to follow the Teachings and the best medical advice you can obtain, you will want to remember that the healing you do now is an investment that will enable you to better serve in the future. Ideally, you would combine concentrating on healing with avenues of service which do not interfere with it." (From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual, 23 October 1994.)

What questions would you like to ask about how to apply the Writings to your situation? Please send your questions to susangammage@sympatico.ca

Unfortunately I can't answer each one individually, but I'll try to answer as many as I can, in these newsletters.

Stories from the Early Days of the Faith

12/09/08 Susan Gammage

One of the ways to move from failure to success is to use your intuition. This story tells of one way:

Many times when Lua [Getsinger] and I were together, teaching problems would arise, and decisions would have to be made. I remember once when Lua was asked to speak in a city south of San Francisco, and the question arose as to whether to spend the money for the trip or buy a pair of shoes for a very needy Bahai. We considered the question and prayed sincerely while holding a volume of my book Tablets of Abdul-Baha, which I then opened for guidance. The decision was reached that the shoes were to be bought.

Another time Lua did not know whether to stay in town (San Francisco) or go to Palo Alto to teach. We prayed, and I opened my book and read, "The path has been cleared, the way opened for her." Lua went to Palo Alto to teach.

(Brown, Ramona Allen, Memories of Abdul-Baha, p. 13-14.)

If you like this newsletter

. . . then please FORWARD IT TO A FRIEND. Send it along and tell them they can get their own copies by sending a blank email to bahailifecoach@profollow.com

Please forward in its entirety, including copyright notice. Thanks! All email addresses are kept confidential.

Use this article in your publication

You have permission to use this article in your publication as long as full attribution and copyright notice are given.

Meet Susan Gammage | About the Baha'i Faith | Contact Us | |

206-114 Brunel Rd, Huntsville, ON P1H 1K5, CANADA

To unsubscribe or change subscriber options visit: http://clients.profollow.com/z/r/?ThisIsATestEmail