by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach
Every once in awhile, one of my life coaching clients sends me an email that brings tears to my eyes. This one reminds me of the Bahá’Ă Hidden Word which says:
O SON OF BEING!
With the hands of power I made thee and with the fingers of strength I created thee; and within thee have I placed the essence of My light. Be thou content with it and seek naught else, for My work is perfect and My command is binding. Question it not, nor have a doubt thereof.  (Baha’u'llah, Hidden Words, Arabic 12)
At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:
‘When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection.
Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.
Where is the natural order of things in my son?’
The audience was stilled by the query.
The father continued. ‘I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.’
Then he told the following story:
Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, ‘Do you think they’ll let me play?’ I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a f ather I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.
I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not  expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, ‘We’re losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we’ll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.’
Shay struggled over to the team’s bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my e ye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.
In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay’s team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.
In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.
In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay’s team scored again.
Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be n ext at bat.
At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?
Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.
However, as Shay stepped up to the home plate, the pitcher,  recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay’s life, moved in a few steps t o lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.
The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.
The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.
As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.
The game would now be over.
The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.
Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.
Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman’s head, out of reach of all team mates.
Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, ‘Shay, run to first!
Run to first!’
Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.
He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.
Everyone yelled, ‘Run to second, run to second!’
Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.
By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball. The s mallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.
He could have thr own the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher’s intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman’s head.
Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.
All were screaming, ‘Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay’
Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, ‘Run to third!
Shay, run to third!’
As Shay r ounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet  ; screaming, ‘Shay, run home! Run home!’
Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.
‘That day’, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, ‘the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world’.
Shay didn’t make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!
Do you have a similar experience to share? Post your comments here:
The following post was written by Chris Watson of Japan and sent to me in an email. I thought it was so good, I got his permission to post it here.
Looking at human beings, and noticing our imperfections, is like looking at a painting by Rembrandt or Van Gough, and thinking, “this is rough — shouldn’t the brush work be smoother than that?” What seems to be imperfection is really the touch of the Artist
It is the touch of our Creator. We are perfect in our humanity.
Here is one example: parenting.
‘Perfect’ parents are actually not the best parents; to be perfect as a parent can be quite harmful for children.
The children of ‘perfect’ parents — parents who are always calm, always right, who never make mistakes, who always do the right thing — often suffer terribly! Many of these kids end up with the worst psychological problems, as drug addicts or criminals.
We all know this is true: the children of pastors, ministers and the best Christians are much more likely to go wrong in life than other kids. It’s one of the great mysteries of life.
One school friend had a brilliant and understanding child psychiatrist as a father — he dropped out of High School and became a drug addict. Another family I knew — of wonderful Christians — had a son who became a teenage arsonist! And the son of the Methodist minister at the church I attended as a child was one of the worst kids in our High School …
But the reason is so simple.
Many of us are very imperfect parents. We make lots of mistakes, are inconsistent, get angry, sad, unreasonable, stubborn and stupid; we try and we fail; we have to apologize a lot. However, because of our imperfections, our children are developing a wonderful character. They are able to find goodness in themselves. They are learning to love and to forgive an imperfect parent.
And they know, in their heart, that perfection is not required or expected of them. They will model themselves on this experience; and by loving, accepting and forgiving their parents imperfections, they will learn to love, accept and forgive themselves.
If they had a perfect parent, they would feel intense pressure to live up to those standards — to be perfect themselves — which of course is impossible.
Our children might either try and meet those impossible standards, and could end up unhappy and filled with feelings of unworthiness, or more likely, they would decide to create their own standards — ones that they could meet — and choose an opposite life, like my drug-addict friends at school.
What we think of as perfection is not the best way to be, and not what God wants us to be. To be human, and no more than that, is true perfection.
It sounds crazy, but it’s true!
One of the greatest pastors in Australia is a deeply imperfect human. He has suffered from depression, and still suffers from it. He is an angry man, and often hard to talk to, but Pastor Peter McHugh has built a church from nothing to more than 1500 people (still growing) — which is an amazing achievement in secular Australia. When he preaches, he can reach right into your heart, discover where all your pain and sorrow is hidden, and shine the light of God on it. He can make you weep until you’re weeping tears of joy.
The way to know God is not to seek perfection, but to be more human. That is one of my philosophies.
What is your philosophy on being a role model for your children? Post your comments here:
by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach
This week, in my Bahá’Ă-inspired life coaching practice, I was working with a woman who felt taken advantage of by her 3 teenagers and husband, in their seemingly endless demands on her time and energy, to the point that she was feeling angry and resentful and didn’t know what to do. She asked about setting boundaries. Was there guidance from the Writings on this topic?
She knew about the principles of the oneness of humanity and the quotes that talked about being loving, selfless and long-suffering, but wondered if there were any quotes to support setting up boundaries, to prevent people from walking all over her and so that she could stop feeling like a doormat. What was she supposed to do?
If we’re all one, where are the lines between where one person stops and another starts? Perhaps the key is in frank and loving consultation. The proponents of “tough love” tell us that loving someone doesn’t always feel good, and speaking our truth frankly takes many of us outside our comfort zones.
Like most women, she’s uncomfortable expressing anger – she doesn’t like how it makes her feel. She’s afraid of being not loved or being too self-centred for wanting some time to herself. She feels that if she gets angry, she will somehow come across as “holier than thou”. She wonders that if she looks at their good qualities and overlooks their faults, is she being stupid or spiritually healthy?
We spoke about ‘Abdul-Bahá’s comment:
When Christ’s said; “Whosoever shall smite thee on the right cheek, turn to him the left one also,” it was for the purpose of teaching men not to take personal revenge.
‘Abdul-Bahá, Some Answered Questions, p. 270
Revenge wasn’t what she was after; she just was tired of being taken advantage of: a common refrain of most women!
She was trying to be selfless and sacrificial but wondered if doing things for them all the time was exceeding the bounds of moderation, especially if she was doing things they could and should be doing for themselves.
If the reality of man is his thoughts, then perhaps it’s a matter of how we think about the actions we choose. For example, if we see ourselves as putting up with whatever other’s ask of us, we’re being a victim and if we deliberately choose to develop the virtue of being long suffering, we’re being virtuous. If we dwell on the unpleasant things of life, we make them bigger and our resentment grows, when instead we can choose to focus our thoughts on love and unity.
So then we looked at:
If one person assaults another, the injured one should forgive him.
‘Abdul-Bahá, Some Answered Questions, p. 270
She was willing to forgive. That wasn’t the issue. We remembered the story of a time when someone took advantage of ‘Abdul-Bahá for 25 years, and all the time, ‘Abdul-Bahá would pay his medical bills and make sure his family had something to eat. Here was a time when ‘Abdul-Bahá didn’t throw up His hands and say He’d had enough. He just kept being patient, loving and forgiving.
Sometimes it’s easy to look to the idea of boundary setting rather than to focus on love and unity but if we truly want to bring about the Kingdom of God on earth, we have to start somewhere.
What are your thoughts on boundary setting? Post your comments here.
by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach
Thanks to Harley M Storey, the Life Coach Toolman for the following posting:
It has been said that being in relationship is a great way to grow. This is because, we automatically encounter OUR unresolved issues, and often theirs as well! We have all experienced other people, especially those we are closest to (family?), pushing our “buttons” and prompting issues that we are sensitive about.So what do we do when other people “push our buttons?” We have a choice to react - or respond.
When we react, we are usually not giving much thought to what we are doing, this can easily become a fully fledged argument if the other person also reacts without thinking.
By responding, rather than reacting, we have made space where we can consider the situation and decide the best way to handle things.Responding consists of patience, humility and intelligence.
Patience, because we are holding back from reacting straight away and often inflaming the situation.
Humility, because it feels good to react with a sarcastic comeback or put down.
Intelligence, because we understand that in the long run a compassionate response is the best way to handle the situation and enhance and maintain our relationships.
Communication is also really important because if we know that our partner or friend is having a difficult day and under stress - we understand that the reason they may have spoken harshly is NOT ABOUT US, but because of what THEY are dealing with.
The next time you are spoken unkindly to, try responding by asking “Are you ok? Are you having a difficult day?” Then watch their jaws drop and their face soften!
I put this approach to the test myself when I went to my local Postal Office recently. The lady serving me was extremely rude. However, rather than responding in anger, I decided to try the compassionate approach. I visited a bakery, bought a large chocolate cookie, returned to the Post Office, gave it to her, and wished her a great day. Ever since, she has been very nice to me.
Know thou of a certainty that Love is the secret of God’s holy Dispensation.
Abdu’l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of Abdu’l-Baha, p. 27
So like ‘Abdul-Bahá, I conclude that compassion gets better results than anger! What’s been your experience in responding instead of reacting?
by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach
One of the clients in my Bahá’Ă-inspired life coaching practice posed this question: How do we encourage our kids to have higher moral standards than society around us, without making them feel isolated from their classmates?
Perhaps the first thing is to be a good role model ourselves. Our children must see that our deeds match our words. If we don’t drink, do drugs, smoke, or have extra-marital sex, our children will accept this is the norm and be uncomfortable around people who do.
Get them into a junior youth program, so they can discuss these issues with their peers and a youth animator, who is slightly older.
It’s helpful to study these compilations with them and get their comments:
- Youth Can Move the World
- A Chaste and Holy Life
- Individual Rights and Freedoms.
There is a powerful protection for our souls in saying the Obligatory prayers and 95 Alláh-u-Abhás each day, so encouraging our children to recite these prayers will ensure they are protected, and that way, the job is in God’s hands.
Moderation is a wonderful virtue! It’s easy to become outraged by the lyrics on the music they listen to, or by the sexually explicit music videos they watch, or the computer games and movies they view. A natural tendency would be to ban them all.
Recently I came across the concept of vertical vs. Horizontal influences. Vertical influences are the ones which raise our souls up to our Creator, and horizontal influences are ones that keep us trapped in the prison of self. If there is a balance between the 2 influences in our children’s lives, they should feel connected both to their peers and to God.
How do you teach your kids to have high moral standards? Post your comments here:
by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach
One of the clients in my Bahá’Ă-inspired life coaching practice posed this question: How do we encourage our kids to have higher moral standards than society around us, without making them feel isolated from their classmates?
Perhaps the first thing is to be a good role model ourselves. Our children must see that our deeds match our words. If we don’t drink, do drugs, smoke, or have extra-marital sex, our children will accept this is the norm and be uncomfortable around people who do.
Get them into a junior youth program, so they can discuss these issues with their peers and a youth animator, who is slightly older.
It’s helpful to study these compilations with them and get their comments:
- Youth Can Move the World
- A Chaste and Holy Life
- Individual Rights and Freedoms.
There is a powerful protection for our souls in saying the Obligatory prayers and 95 Alláh-u-Abhás each day, so encouraging our children to recite these prayers will ensure they are protected, and that way, the job is in God’s hands.
Moderation is a wonderful virtue! It’s easy to become outraged by the lyrics on the music they listen to, or by the sexually explicit music videos they watch, or the computer games and movies they view. A natural tendency would be to ban them all.
Recently I came across the concept of vertical vs. Horizontal influences. Vertical influences are the ones which raise our souls up to our Creator, and horizontal influences are ones that keep us trapped in the prison of self. If there is a balance between the 2 influences in our children’s lives, they should feel connected both to their peers and to God.
How do you teach your kids to have high moral standards? Post your comments here:
My Circle Dance Group in Labrador City
by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach
The other day, I got one of those emails that you were asked to send on to 10 people or something bad would happen. I always delete these emails, but this one had a message that resonated for me. It didn’t attribute the author, so I can’t give credit here. My apologies.
“People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are.They are there for the reason you need them to be. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.”
Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we’ve let them fly away. Who have you let fly away and what will you do to let them know they’re still important?
What are your thoughts about friendships? Post your comments here:
My Circle Dance Group in Labrador City
by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach
The other day, I got one of those emails that you were asked to send on to 10 people or something bad would happen. I always delete these emails, but this one had a message that resonated for me. It didn’t attribute the author, so I can’t give credit here. My apologies.
“People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are.They are there for the reason you need them to be. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.”
Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we’ve let them fly away. Who have you let fly away and what will you do to let them know they’re still important?
What are your thoughts about friendships? Post your comments here:
