by Susan Gammage, Baha’i Life Coach
In my Bahá’Ă-inspired life coaching practice, the topic of divorce occasionally comes up. The Bahá’Ă Writings teach:
“We know that Bahá’u'lláh has very strongly frowned upon divorce; and it is really incumbent upon the Bahá’Ăs to make almost a superhuman effort not to allow a Bahá’Ă marriage to be dissolved.” (Shoghi Effendi, Lights of Guidance, p. 227)
But the scariest quote to me has always been:
“. . . the partner who is the ’cause of divorce’ will ‘unquestionably’ become the ‘victim of formidable calamities’”. (Universal House of Justice, Lights of Guidance, p. 390)
When my own marriage ended in divorce, I often asked myself if I was the cause, for certainly my life post-divorce has been fraught with tests. I’ve just exchanged one set of tests for another.
Recently I’ve been reading “When Parents Hurt” by Joshua Coleman, and in the appendix at the end of the book, he writes an article from the perspective of one man to another, which speaks poignantly to the issues I’ve wrestled with (they aren’t so very different from my own perspective). I’d like to copy it here for your enjoyment. It’s reprinted with permission of the author.
When a Family Man Thinks Twice
Joshua Coleman, Ph.D.
San Francisco Chronicle
Sunday Section, Father’s Day 2000
You get married. And at some point you don’t know if the marriage is going to work. And since it’s your first marriage, you feel discouraged and hopeless and start believing that your marriage looks nothing like the ones on TV or in US magazine. And you think how nice it would be to have a marriage like that, built on friendship, hiking, and an active sex life.
And since it’s a marriage with children, you don’t know what it feels like to be divorced with children, and figure it might not be that bad. It’s a tradeoff. And people say everything in life is a tradeoff, so there must be something worthwhile about tradeoffs.
And you start thinking about it after you leave the movie theater because your marriage once looked like the movie marriage, at least when you were first dating. Or, maybe the movie is realistic, with lots of alienated, confused adults, but, even those movies feature somebody who’s falling in love, like the two teenagers in American Beauty. And so you compare your marriage to the teenagers in American Beauty and wonder how you got as far off the track as Kevin Spacey, and do you need to get a GTO and start smoking pot again to find yourself, even if you’re smart enough to datesomebody your own age instead of your daughter’s friend?
And maybe you realize that the same actors you’re comparing your marriage to on the screen, are having as much trouble in their marriages off the screen as you are having in yours, at home. And so you stop comparing yourself to their happy on screen marriages, and compare yourself to them as happy divorced actors who have their kids part-time and live in LA or New York or on their ranches in Montana.
And at the playground, watching your kids go down the slide with your wife, you end up sitting by a divorced father. And if you’ve never been divorced, you won’t see his loneliness as he stretches his legs and watches and waves at his children because he looks like you, when you wave and smile at yours playing on the swings, or that circular spinning thing that makes you nauseous when you have the poor judgment to get on it. And you don’t see that this very same child on the swing set saying look at me look at me will have to be returned to her mother’s house like a videotape by six because that was the time agreed to in the agreement.
And you may not know the sadness he feels returning that child to her mother as she closes the door to him like a vault while his kid waves, sad, bewildered or worse, happy to be back with her mom and now oblivious of him, her father.
And you, who walk in and out of your home every day with your wife and kids, can’t know what it’s like to sit in your car and watch the place you lived in as family, knowing your child is in there, laughing, talking loudly, or waving briefly at you from the window like she does when her uncle leaves.
And since you are married, and wake up every day to your child’s loud laughter and endless questions and requests and frustrations and hurts, you can’t contemplate the deadwood barrenness of a house deprived of that sound.
And you wouldn’t know that going home to that silence, a silence you craved many times while married, is a silence found more often on hillsides, after a large-scale fire.
And being married, you and your wife may have just put your child to bed with Harry Potter or the Little Engine That Could or other magical children’s stories that teach the value of never giving up and struggling
against the odds. And as the evening goes on, you end up in one of those god awful fights with her that leave you feeling alone and why should you have to put up with this as hard as you work and try. And it’s hard to feel like nobody else has it as bad or understands what you feel except perhaps the woman you’ve begun to have an affair with who always says the right thing and makes you feel good about yourself, which, of course, you deserve. And the sex with the woman you’re having an affair with is unbelievable because sex is always unbelievable in affairs or else why would anybody bother?
And since you’re a married father, who goes on vacations with his kids and helps them with their soccer, homework or playground politics, you may underestimate the feelings of seeing your child walk out of the house you once lived in as family, holding the hand of your ex-wife’s new husband.
Perhaps you’re surprised by the stab of betrayal when you hear your child refer to your ex-wife’s new husband as “my other daddy.” And even though you’ve had enough psychotherapy to start a clinic on both coasts, you watch yourself get mad and hurt and state that she Does not, Can not and Will not have another daddy because that is a position only you can fill and if she ever brings up that phrase again, something really bad is going to happen to somebody, you’re just not sure who.
And you begin to wonder if anything is worth this kind of pain. Is anything worth having your baby, your child, your self, handed to you and ripped back out like an assembly line robot on a killing spree, week after week after week after week? And friends and family and professionals say it will get better over time and it does get better because you eventually get better at finding new and improved ways to blind and numb yourself. And people will tell you this change is called growth. And you know that must mean growth is highly overrated.
And you always swore you would be a great dad and you have been but you
better set your sorry ass down with divorce and give thanks for every other weekend or summer visitation or some other version of fatherhood that has nothing to do with family and everything to do with an arrangement so dubious only a court can invent it. And maybe when your kids grow up and go off to college or move out you’ll feel better. But then maybe you won’t.
Maybe their new independence will just free them up to see your limitations even more clearly.
And though you would never do it, you come to understand those lost fathers, marginalized through their own mistakes or a lousy arrangement, moving miles away and rarely calling, leaving their kids bobbing and drifting like toys thrown from the back of a moving boat. And how these fathers get struck dead and dumb years later when there’s an angry and betrayed call from a child who’s now a teenager or an adult. And how these dads stumble out an excuse that tries to be an apology but ends up blaming the child and the ex-wife, and leaves the kid glad the father wasn’t around in the first place no wonder mom wanted out.
And maybe you’d never let it get to that point and you do need to leave your marriage. Maybe the smoking stacked years of hurt and resentment are sooting the air you and your family breathe and no priest or rabbi or therapist can ever reverse it because you already tried all that. And you end up falling in love with someone new because she reminds you of all the qualities you love best; those of your children, your closest friends and you hate to admit it but - yeah, those of your ex-wife.
And then, whether it’s the right thing or the wrong thing, better or worse, you look back. And at some point, your kids ask when you and mom are going to live together again. And though they eventually stop asking, they won’t stop hoping. And they carry that hope the way you carry your love for them - soft, constant, and close to the surface. And no matter how awful it was to be married and how grateful you are to be out, and how much getting out was the right decision, some part of you may always wonder, was there something else I could have done? Something?”
Dr. Coleman is a psychologist with offices in San Francisco and Oakland, California. He is the author of “WHEN PARENTS HURT: Compassionate Strategies When You and Your Grown Child Don’t Get Along” (HarperCollins), “MARRIED WITH TWINS: Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Marital Harmony” “The Marriage Makeover: Finding Happiness in Imperfect Harmony.” and “The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework.” Call him at 510 547 6500 or visit him at www.drjoshuacoleman.com
I’d like to end with a quote from the Bahá’Ă Writings:
“He feels that you should by all means make every effort to hold your marriage together, especially for the sake of the children, who, like all children of divorced parents, cannot but suffer from conflicting loyalties, for they are deprived of the blessing of a father and a mother in one home, to look after their interests and love them jointly.” (Shoghi Effendi, Lights of Guidance, p. 227)
What’s been your experience with divorce? Post your comments here:
By Susan Gammage, Bahá’Ă Life Coach
Why does life have to hurt so much? This is a question I often hear in my Bahá’Ă-inspired life coaching practice. The Bahá’Ă Writings tell us:
Suffering is both a reminder and a guide. It stimulates us better to adapt ourselves to our environmental conditions, and thus leads the way to self improvement. In every suffering one can find a meaning and a wisdom. But it is not always easy to find the secret of that wisdom. It is sometimes only when all our suffering has passed that we become aware of its usefulness. What man considers to be evil turns often to be a cause of infinite blessings. (Shoghi Effendi, Unfolding Destiny, p. 434.)
Here is a story that came in my email today, followed by my all time favorite story. I hope they give you comfort.
A Refiner of Silver
Malachi 3:3 says: “He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver”. This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.
One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn’t mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: “He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.” She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time.
The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, “How do you know when the silver is fully refined?”
He smiled at her and answered, “Oh, that’s easy — when I see my image in it.”
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.
Another quote from the Bahá’Ă Writings:
You are encouraged to continue to keep in mind the spiritual dimension of your struggles. We are assured by ‘Abdu’l-Bahá in the following words: “The more difficulties one sees in the world the more perfect one becomes. The more you plough and dig the ground the more fertile it becomes. The more you cut the branches of a tree the higher and stronger it grows. The more you put the gold in the fire the purer it becomes. The more you sharpen the steel by grinding the better it cuts. Therefore, the more sorrows one sees the more perfect one be¬comes. That is why, in all times, the Prophets of God have had tribula¬tions and difficulties to withstand. The more often the captain of a ship is in the tempest and difficult sailing the greater his knowledge be¬comes. Therefore I am happy that you have had great tribulations and difficulties… Strange it is that I love you and still I am happy that you have sorrows.”     (’Abdu’l-Bahá, Star of the West, Vol. XIV, No. 2, p. 41.)
Just Clay!
Author Unknown - submitted by Daryoush Yazdani, Japan
A couple vacationing in Europe went strolling down a little street and saw a quaint little gift shop with a beautiful teacup in the window. The lady collected teacups and she wanted this one for her collection, so she went
inside to pick up the teacup, and as the story goes the teacup spoke and said:
“I want you to know that I have not always looked like this. It took the process of pain to bring me to this point. You see, there was a time when I was just clay and the master came and he pounded me and he squeezed me and he kneaded me and I screamed: “STOP THAT”. But he just smiled and he said, “Not yet”.
Then he took me and put me on the wheel and I went round and round and round and round … and while I was spinning and getting dizzier and dizzier I screamed again and I said, “Please get me off this thing … please get me off!!!” And the master was looking at me and he was smiling, as he said, “Not yet”.
Then he took me and walked toward the oven and he shut the door and turned up the heat and I could see him through the window of the oven and it was getting hotter and hotter and I thought, “He’s going to burn me to death”.
And I started pounding on the inside of the oven and I said “Master, let me out, let me out, let me out”, and I could see that he was smiling as he said “Not yet”.
Then he opened the door and I was fresh and free and he took me out of the oven and he put me on the table and then he got some paint and a paintbrush. And he started dabbing me and making swirls all over me and I started to gag and I said: “Master, stop it … stop it … stop it please … you’re making me gag” and he just smiled as he said “Not yet”.
Then very gently he picked me up again and he started walking toward the oven and I said, “Master, NO! Not again, pleeeeease”. He opened the oven door and he slipped me inside and he shut the door and this time he turned the heat up twice as hot as before and I thought. “He’s going to kill me”, and I looked through the window of the oven and I started to pound saying, “Master … Master, please let me out … please let me out … let me out… let me out”. And I could see that he was smiling, but I also noticed a tear trickle down his cheek as I watched him mouth the words.
“Not yet!”
Just as I thought I was about to die, the door opened and he reached in ever so gently and took me out, fresh and free and he went and placed me on a high shelf and he said: “There, I have created what I intended. Would you like to see yourself?” I said “Yes”, so he handed me a mirror and I looked and I looked again and I said, “That’s not me, I’m just a lump of clay” And he said: “Yes, that IS you, but it took the process of pain to bring you to this place. “You see, had I not worked you when you were clay, then you would have dried up. If I had not subjected you to the
stress of the wheel, you would have crumbled. If I had not put you into the heat of the oven you would have cracked. If I had not painted you there would be no color in your life. But, it was the second oven that gave you the strength to endure. And now you are everything that I intended you to be - from the beginning.”
And I, the tea cup, heard myself saying something I never thought I would hear myself saying: “Master, forgive me, I did not trust you, I thought you were going to harm me, I did not know you had a glorious future and a hope for me. I was too shortsighted, but I want to thank you. I want to thank you for suffering. I want to thank you for the process of pain. Here I am! I give you myself - fill me, pour from me, use me as you see fit. I really want to be a vessel that brings you glory within my life”
I’d like to conclude with a quote from the Bahá’Ă Writings:
Naturally there will be periods of distress and difficulty, and even severe tests; but if the person turns firmly towards the Divine Manifestation, studies carefully His spiritual teachings and receives the blessings of the Holy Spirit, he will find that in reality these tests and difficulties have been the gifts of God to enable him to grow and develop.
Thus you might look upon your own difficulties in the path of service. They are the means of your spirit growing and developing. You will suddenly find that you have conquered many of the problems which upset you, and then you will wonder why they should have troubled you at all. (Shoghi Effendi, Living the Life, pp. 35-36.)
What are your experiences with painful tests? Post your comments here:
by Susan Gammage, Baha’i Life Coach
Often in my Baha’i-inspired life coaching practice, when people are focused on all the things that are going wrong in their lives, I encourage them to make a list of all the things they are grateful for.
Gratitude is one of the most important virtues. The Baha’i Writings tell us that by being grateful, we recieve more of the good things in life:
Be thou happy and well pleased and arise to offer thanks to God, in order that thanksgiving may conduce to the increase of bounty. (’Abdu’l-Bahá, Tablets of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, p. 484.)
And that we can never thank God enough:
If we should offer a hundred thousand thanksgivings every moment to the threshold of God . . . we would fail to express our gratitude sufficiently. (’Abdu’l-Bahá, Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 37.)
How true it is!
Today, I’d like to share a 3 minute movie that captures the essence of gratitude more than anything I’ve ever seen. The words, the music, the photographs, in a word are…BEAUTIFUL!
So if you want to make your heart smile, just click here to watch. And don’t forget to forward this to everyone you know and love. It’ll make their day!
What makes you grateful? Post your comments here:
By Susan Gammage, Bahá’Ă Life Coach
Some of my life coaching clients have told me how tired they are of this life, and many of them have even considered ending their lives to end the intense suffering they feel, and hasten the intense longing to be in the next world. They often feel very guilty for these feelings, knowing that the act of suicide is strongly condemned in the Baha’i teachings, (Shoghi Effendi, Lights of Guidance, p. 203) and alongside the other world religions, it is “forbidden”.
They want to know why it’s forbidden:
- God Who is the Author of all life can alone take it away, and dispose of it the way he deems best. (Universal House of Justice, Lights of Guidance, p. 203)
- Whoever commits suicide endangers his soul, and will suffer spiritually as a result in the other worlds beyond.’ (Universal House of Justice, Lights of Guidance, p. 203)
And what they can do when they’re feeling this way:
- You must not injure yourselves or commit suicide…Should anyone at any time encounter hard and perplexing times, he must say to himself, “This will soon pass.” Then will he be calm and quiet. In all my calamity and difficulties I used to say to myself, “This will pass away”. Then I became patient. If anyone cannot be patient and cannot endure, and if he wishes to become a martyr than let him arise in service to the Cause of God. It will be better for him if he attains to martyrdom in His path. (’Abdul-Bahá, Star of the West, Vol. 12, No 181, p. 280)
- The House of Justice admonishes you to put all thought of suicide and death out of your mind and concentrate on prayer and effort to serve the Cause of Bahá’u'lláh. (Universal House of Justice, Lights of Guidance, p. 203)
- The House of Justice admonishes you to put all thought of suicide out of your mind and instead to concentrate on the outpourings of Baha’u'llah’s grace which have encompassed all mankind, and strive to use the tests you face as a means for your growth and development. (From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer 13 December 1988)
They want to know they aren’t alone:
- That honorable personage has been so much subjected to the stress and pain of this world that his highest wish became deliverance from it. Such is this mortal abode — a storehouse of afflictions and suffering. It is negligence that binds man to it for no comfort can be secured by any soul in this world, from monarch down to the least subject. If once it should offer man a sweet cup, a hundred bitter ones will follow it and such is the condition of this world. The wise man therefore does not attach himself to this mortal life and does not depend upon it; even at some moments he eagerly wishes death that he may thereby be freed from these sorrows and afflictions. Thus it is seen that some, under extreme pressure of anguish, have committed suicide. (’Abdul-Bahá, Baha’i World Faith, p. 378)
They feel comforted to know that even the Manifestations of God longed to be delivered from this world:
- Grant that the day of attaining Thy holy presence may be fast approaching. (The Báb, Bahá’Ă Prayers, p. 165)
- Hasten, by Thy grace and bounty, my passing, O my Lord … (Bahá’u'lláh, Prayers and Meditations, p. 18)
They want to know what will happen to them if they do kill themselves:
- As to him rest assured; he will be immersed in the ocean of pardon and forgiveness and will become the recipient of bounty and favor. (’Abdul-Bahá, Baha’i World Faith, p. 378)
- The manner in which the Supreme Being, in His justice as well as in His mercy, will deal with every individual soul is a mystery unknown to us on this earthly plane. (From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer, December 21, 1978)
They want to know that God cares about them:
- I sorrow for thee in thy grief, and lament with thee in thy tribulation… I bear witness to the ser¬vices thou hast rendered Me, and testify to the various troubles thou hast sustained for My sake. All the atoms of the earth declare My love for thee. (Bahá’u'lláh, Gleanings from the Writings of Bahá’u'lláh, p. 309)
- Ye have tolerated the censure of the enemies for the sake of My love and have steadfastly endured in My Path the grievous cruelties which the ungodly have inflicted upon you. Unto this I Myself bear witness, and I am the All-Knowing. (Bahá’u'lláh, Tablets of Bahá’u'lláh, p. 246)
- Know thou that God is with thee under all conditions. (’Abdul-Bahá, Selections from the Writings of ‘Abdul-Bahá, p. 122)
- With all my soul and spirit, I am thy companion at all moments. Know thou this of a certainty! (Abdu’l-Baha, Tablets of Abdu’l-Baha v3, p. 558)
- O my well-beloved, deeply spiritual sister! Day and night thou livest in my memory. Whenever I remember thee my heart swelleth with sadness and my regret groweth more intense. Grieve not, for I am thy true, thy unfailing comforter. Let neither despondency nor despair becloud the serenity of thy life or restrain thy freedom. These days shall pass away. We will, please God, in the Abha Kingdom and beneath the sheltering shadow of the Blessed Beauty, forget all these our earthly cares and will find each one of these base calumnies amply compensated by His expressions of praise and favour. From the beginning of time sorrow and anxiety, regret and tribulation, have always been the lot of every loyal servant of God. Ponder this in thine heart and consider how very true it is. Wherefore, set thine heart on the tender mercies of the Ancient Beauty and be thou filled with abiding joy and intense gladness…. (Compilations, Bahiyyih Khánum, p. 7)
They want to know that this despair will get better:
- Sorrow not if, in these days and on this earthly plane, things contrary to your wishes have been ordained and manifested by God, for days of blissful joy, of heavenly delight, are assuredly in store for you. Worlds, holy and spiritually glorious, will be unveiled to your eyes. You are destined by Him, in this world and hereafter, to partake of their benefits, to share in their joys, and to obtain a portion of their sustaining grace. To each and every one of them you will, no doubt, attain. (Baha’u'llah, Gleanings from the Writings of Baha’u'llah, p. 329)
- The darkness of this gloomy night shall pass away.  (’Abdul-Bahá, Baha’i Scriptures, p. 547)
- These are the darkest hours before the break of day. Peace, as promised, will come at night’s end. (The Universal House of Justice, Ridván Message150, 1993)
- Do not despair, nay be assured that a glorious future awaits you all, more brilliant than any you can imagine. (Shoghi Effendi, The Light of Divine Guidance v I, p. 97)
They want to know what to say to combat these feelings:
- Is there any Remover of difficulties save God? Say: Praised be God! He is God! All are His servants, and all abide by His bidding!  (The Báb, Baha’i Prayers, p. 27) Tell them to repeat it five hundred times, nay, a thousand times, by day and by night, sleeping and waking . . .  (Adib Taherzadeh, The Child of the Covenant, p. 63)
- O Lord! Thou art the Remover of every anguish and the Dispeller of every affliction. Thou art He Who banisheth every sorrow and setteth free every slave, the Redeemer of every soul. O Lord! Grant deliverance through Thy mercy, and reckon me among such servants of Thine as have gained salvation. (The Báb, Baha’i Prayers, p. 28)
- Protect us from what lieth in front of us and behind us, above our heads, on our right, on our left, below our feet and every other side to which we are exposed. Verily, Thy protection over all things is unfailing. (The Báb, Baha’i Prayers, p. 134)
- Dispel my grief by Thy bounty and Thy generosity, O God, my God, and banish mine anguish through Thy sovereignty and Thy might. (Bahá’u'lláh, Baha’i Prayers, p. 25)
- O my Lord, my Beloved, my Desire! Befriend me in my loneliness and accompany me in my exile. Remove my sorrow. . . (’Abdul-Bahá, Baha’i Prayers, p. 31)
- O God! Refresh and gladden my spirit. Purify my heart. Illumine my powers. I lay all my affairs in Thy hand. Thou art my Guide and my Refuge. I will no longer be sorrowful and grieved; I will be a happy and joyful being. O God! I will no longer be full of anxiety, nor will I let trouble harass me. I will not dwell on the unpleasant things of life. O God! Thou art more friend to me than I am to myself. I dedicate myself to Thee, O Lord. (’Abdul-Bahá, Baha’i Prayers, p. 151)
- In the darksome night of despair, my eye turneth expectant and full of hope to the morn of Thy boundless favor and at the hour of dawn my drooping soul is refreshed and strengthened in remembrance of Thy beauty and perfection. (’Abdul-Bahá, Baha’i Prayers, p. 30)
- He urges you to persevere and add up your accomplishments, rather than to dwell on the dark side of things. Everyone’s life has both a dark and bright side. The Master said: turn your back to the darkness and your face to Me. (Shoghi Effendi, Unfolding Destiny, p. 457)
Family and friends want to know why their loved ones might have felt they had to do it:
- Thus it is seen that some, under extreme pressure of anguish, have committed suicide. (’Abdul-Bahá, Bahá’Ă World Faith, p. 378)
- …That honourable man hath been so subjected to the stress and strain of this world that his greatest wish was for deliverance from it. Such is this mortal abode: a storehouse of afflic¬tions and suffering. It is ignorance that binds man to it, for no comfort can be secured by any soul in this world, from monarch down to the most humble commoner. If once this life should offer a man a sweet cup, a hundred bitter ones will follow; such is the condition of this world. The wise man, therefore, doth not attach himself to this mortal life and doth not depend upon it; at some moments, even, he eagerly wisheth for death that he may thereby be freed from these sorrows and afflictions. (’Abdul-Bahá, Selections from the Writings of ‘Abdul-Bahá, p. 200)
- It is too bad that young and promising men . . . should take away their life at a moment of despair. (Shoghi Effendi, Lights of Guidance, p. 203)
When suicidal feelings are part of a mental Illness:
- It is very hard to be subject to any illness, particularly a mental one. However, we must always remember these illnesses have nothing to do with our spirit or our inner relation to God. (Shoghi Effendi, Lights of Guidance, p. 281)
Survivors want to know the Baha’i attitude toward those who commit suicide:
- Although suicide has been strongly condemned in the teachings, this does not mean that a person has ceased to be a Baha’i because he committed suicide, and he should certainly be given a Baha’i funeral. (from a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to a National Spiritual Assembly 9 December 1984)
- A Baha’i is certainly free to pray for those who have passed on regardless of the cause of their death, using the words of any of the prayers of his choice which have been revealed through the bounty of God. (From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer, December 21, 1978)
What can those that remain behind, do?
- The Universal House of Justice was deeply saddened to learn of the tragic deaths of your daughter…Such a senseless cutting short of the lives of capable young people who have so much promise before them is a loss to mankind and an agonizing trial for those to whom they were near and dear. You ask what you, as a Baha’i, can do to assist the progress of their souls. The House of Justice has asked us to say that ‘Abdu’l-Bahá has stated that good works performed in the names of those who have passed on assist their progress in the next life. Therefore, if you will consecrate to their memory your services to your fellow human beings, and, above all, your efforts to teach the Message of Baha’u'llah, you may be sure that this will rejoice them in the worlds beyond.   (From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer 10 August 1988)
If you are feeling suicidal, please get help!
What are your thoughts? Post your comments here:
