We Are Already Perfect

The following post was written by Chris Watson of Japan and sent to me in an email. I thought it was so good, I got his permission to post it here.

Looking at human beings, and noticing our imperfections, is like looking at a painting by Rembrandt or Van Gough, and thinking, “this is rough — shouldn’t the brush work be smoother than that?” What seems to be imperfection is really the touch of the Artist

It is the touch of our Creator. We are perfect in our humanity.

Here is one example: parenting.

‘Perfect’ parents are actually not the best parents; to be perfect as a parent can be quite harmful for children.

The children of ‘perfect’ parents — parents who are always calm, always right, who never make mistakes, who always do the right thing — often suffer terribly! Many of these kids end up with the worst psychological problems, as drug addicts or criminals.

We all know this is true: the children of pastors, ministers and the best Christians are much more likely to go wrong in life than other kids. It’s one of the great mysteries of life.

One school friend had a brilliant and understanding child psychiatrist as a father — he dropped out of High School and became a drug addict. Another family I knew — of wonderful Christians — had a son who became a teenage arsonist! And the son of the Methodist minister at the church I attended as a child was one of the worst kids in our High School …

But the reason is so simple.

Many of us are very imperfect parents. We make lots of mistakes, are inconsistent, get angry, sad, unreasonable, stubborn and stupid; we try and we fail; we have to apologize a lot. However, because of our imperfections, our children are developing a wonderful character. They are able to find goodness in themselves. They are learning to love and to forgive an imperfect parent.

And they know, in their heart, that perfection is not required or expected of them. They will model themselves on this experience; and by loving, accepting and forgiving their parents imperfections, they will learn to love, accept and forgive themselves.

If they had a perfect parent, they would feel intense pressure to live up to those standards — to be perfect themselves — which of course is impossible.

Our children might either try and meet those impossible standards, and could end up unhappy and filled with feelings of unworthiness, or more likely, they would decide to create their own standards — ones that they could meet — and choose an opposite life, like my drug-addict friends at school.

What we think of as perfection is not the best way to be, and not what God wants us to be. To be human, and no more than that, is true perfection.

It sounds crazy, but it’s true!

One of the greatest pastors in Australia is a deeply imperfect human. He has suffered from depression, and still suffers from it. He is an angry man, and often hard to talk to, but Pastor Peter McHugh has built a church from nothing to more than 1500 people (still growing) — which is an amazing achievement in secular Australia. When he preaches, he can reach right into your heart, discover where all your pain and sorrow is hidden, and shine the light of God on it. He can make you weep until you’re weeping tears of joy.

The way to know God is not to seek perfection, but to be more human. That is one of my philosophies.

What is your philosophy on being a role model for your children? Post your comments here:

How To Reprogram Your Subconscious Mind - A Baha’i Approach

by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach

Many people go through their lives without understanding why they make the same mistakes, follow the same patterns, and live in the same ruts. They aren’t happy with their present situation, but they seem to be unable to make any lasting changes. Are you one of these people?

Perhaps you’ve attend seminars, read books, and taken courses, but, in the end, fallen back into the same dysfunctional patterns you’ve always followed! Why does it always turn out this way?

We struggle to make permanent changes in our lives because we input information only into our conscious mind. Here’s the problem: your conscious mind is not what directs your behaviors and belief system.

To change your behaviors, you must first reprogram the hard-wired center of your mind: the subconscious mind.

How Does Your Subconscious Mind Work?

The subconscious is the largest part of our mind. It contains all the messages we’ve received throughout our lives. It holds millions and millions of thoughts grouped into clusters that form beliefs, mindsets and character traits.

The relationship between the conscious and subconscious minds is like an iceberg. The conscious mind is represented by the visible tip of the iceberg, while the subconscious is represented by the gigantic lower portion of the iceberg hidden from view.

You can’t see the subconscious in action, but it certainly has a major impact on the voyage you take in your life.

The subconscious is the place where all of your learned behaviors reside. Once you learn to walk, you don’t need to consider how to lift and place each foot to take the next step, do you? Of course not! Your subconscious mind automatically controls your steps.

Your subconscious learns behavior through repetition and practice. Just as it learned to control your footsteps when you learned to walk, it also controls your footsteps in your life’s journey based on what you’ve reinforced throughout your life.

The good news is you can reprogram your subconscious mind by inputting and reinforcing new thoughts and actions! There are several different techniques you can use to tap into the subconscious mind and reprogram how it works.

Here are some strategies you can use to change your mind and change your life:

1. Affirmations. Affirmations work to change your subconscious mind by using positive, personal, present tense statements to override the embedded negative thinking. By repeating these positive thoughts, you can create new pathways in your subconscious, giving it new attitudes.

2. Visualization. Visualization is the act of creating detailed mental pictures that depict a desired outcome so you can see success for yourself. which then directs behavior accordingly. Top athletes around the world use this technique durThese images stimulate the subconscious into accepting them as reality, ing game-time. The Bahá’í Writings are full of images leading to success. Some of my favorites include:

o At the right hand of the throne of Thy mercy, seat me.

o Behold me standing ready to do Thy will.

o Bestow upon us a share from the ocean of Thy wealth.

o Break off from me the shackles of this nether world.

o Cause me to enter the garden of happiness.

o Create in me a pure heart and renew a tranquil conscience within me.

o Free me from the assaults of passion and desire.

o From the fragrant breezes of Thy joy let a breath pass over me.

3. Hypnosis.

4. Subliminal Audios.

Using techniques like these can help you reprogram your subconscious mind and remove the burden of the negative thoughts buried there. Imagine the freedom of living your life without the automatic dysfunctional behaviors you’ve had driving you for years!

Although these are not subliminal (in that you can hear the messages), my favorites, bar none, are made by Think Right Now: http://www.thinkrightnow.com/cmd.asp?af=923000

You can read my testimonial for these products at: http://www.susangammage.com/for-my-personal-story

When you transform your negative outlook into a positive one, you can accomplish so much more. In doing so, your mind will be released from negative programming, allowing you to excel and succeed throughout your life.

I think this is what ‘Abdul-Bahá means when he says:

I charge you all that each one of you concentrate all the thoughts of your heart on love and unity. When a thought of war comes, oppose it by a stronger thought of peace. A thought of hatred must be destroyed by a more powerful thought of love. Thoughts of war bring destruction to all harmony, well-being, restfulness and content. (Abdu’l-Bahá, Paris Talks, p. 29)

What’s been your experience in transforming your subconscious mind? Post your comments here:

Bahá’u’lláh’s Declaration of His Mission

by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach

The greatest of Bahá’í festivals, the Festival of Ridván, is here. For a period of 12 days starting on April 21st, Bahá’ís around the world will celebrate Bahá’u'lláh’s public declaration of His mission, an event which took place on the eve of His departure from Baghdád for Constantinople. No less than three Holy Days are celebrated in the course of this time period, and elections for Local and National Spiritual Assemblies take place.

The significance of Ridván for Bahá’ís can’t be overstated. In 1844, the Báb had arisen to proclaim the coming of a great Messenger from God, the Promised One of all religions. During His six-year ministry, which culminated in His public execution on July 9, 1850, the Báb called the people of Persia to purify themselves in preparation for the arrival of “He whom God shall make manifest.” Bahá’u'lláh, one of the Báb’s foremost followers, was imprisoned in 1853 on false charges. While in prison, He experienced a revelation from God in which He learned that He was to be that Promised One. But upon His release from prison a few months later, He told no one of this experience. Indeed, for ten years, the entire duration of His exile in Baghdád, He kept silent on this matter. Even so, His character, wisdom, and deep spiritual insight affected all who came into contact with Him.

His growing influence prompted the authorities to seek to move Him to another place. Baghdád was an important crossroads at that time, and it was feared that the new religion might be spread far and wide if He were permitted to stay there, coming into contact with travelers from all quarters. Arrangements were therefore made to transfer Bahá’u'lláh and His party to Constantinople.

On the eve of His departure, Bahá’u'lláh took up residence in a garden which has since become known to Bahá’ís as the Garden of Ridván. (Just to confuse matters, there is also a Garden of Ridván near Mazra’ih and Bahjí, where Bahá’u'lláh spent His last days.) He spent 12 days there in preparation for the long journey ahead. Guests flowed into the garden, rich and poor, powerful and lowly, all paying respects to the great Personage whose influence had touched them all. Sometime during the midst of all this activity, Bahá’u'lláh declared to the gathered Bábís that He was the Promised One spoken of by the Báb.

“Ridván” means “Paradise”, from which we can gather something of what the atmosphere must have felt like during that 12-day period. In God Passes By, Shoghi Effendi recounts the tale thus:

Of the exact circumstances attending that epoch-making Declaration we, alas, are but scantily informed. The words Bahá’u'lláh actually uttered on that occasion, the manner of His Declaration, the reaction it produced, its impact on Mirzá Yahyá [Bahá'u'lláh's half-brother, who later tried to usurp His position and made several attempts on His life], the identity of those who were privileged to hear Him, are shrouded in an obscurity which future historians will find it difficult to penetrate. The fragmentary description left to posterity by His chronicler Nabíl is one of the very few authentic records we possess of the memorable days He spent in that garden. “Every day,” Nabíl has related, “ere the hour of dawn, the gardeners would pick the roses which lined the four avenues of the garden, and would pile them in the center of the floor of His blessed tent. So great would be the heap that when His companions gathered to drink their morning tea in His presence, they would be unable to see each other across it. All these roses Bahá’u'lláh would, with His own hands, entrust to those whom He dismissed from His presence every morning to be delivered, on His behalf, to His Arab and Persian friends in the city.” “One night,” he continues, “the ninth night of the waxing moon, I happened to be one of those who watched beside His blessed tent. As the hour of midnight approached, I saw Him issue from His tent, pass by the places where some of His companions were sleeping, and begin to pace up and down the moonlit, flower-bordered avenues of the garden. So loud was the singing of the nightingales on every side that only those who were near Him could hear distinctly His voice. He continued to walk until, pausing in the midst of one of these avenues, He observed: ‘Consider these nightingales. So great is their love for these roses, that sleepless from dusk till dawn, they warble their melodies and commune with burning passion with the object of their adoration. How then can those who claim to be afire with the rose-like beauty of the Beloved choose to sleep?’ For three successive nights I watched and circled round His blessed tent. Every time I passed by the couch whereon He lay, I would find Him wakeful, and every day, from morn till eventide, I would see Him ceaselessly engaged in conversing with the stream of visitors who kept flowing in from Baghdád. Not once could I discover in the words He spoke any trace of dissimulation.”
(p. 153)

Many years later, Bahá’u'lláh would designate the Festival of Ridván “the Most Great Festival” and specify that the first, ninth, and twelfth days should be celebrated as Holy Days. The Bahá’í administrative year now begins on the First Day of Ridván with the election of Local and National Spiritual Assemblies as prescribed by ‘Abdu’l-Bahá and Shoghi Effendi. This is not accidental. The elections that renew the administrative order become part of the festivities.

Have a very happy Ridván!

by Dale E. Lehman
Appeared: 04/08/2000
Revised: 04/21/2001
http://www.planetbahai.org/cgi-bin/articles.pl?article=43

How to Let Go of the Past and Move Forward in Your Life - A Bahai Perspective

by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach

Detachment – Forgiveness – Faith – Trust – Hope

All spiritual principles encouraged in the Bahá’í Faith as well as other religions, but how do we apply them to painful situations that continue to plague our lives?

In order to live a full and complete life, we must learn how to let go of past failures and disappointments and not carry them with us into our future.

Hanging on to pain, bitterness and disappointment from a past conflict is a heavy burden. It affects your moods, attitudes, relationships, job and all aspects of your life. Negativity eats away at your self-esteem and destroys any possibility of a life free from pain.

Fortunately, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel! Your future doesn’t have to be a repetition of your past. You don’t need to be destined to a life of pain, regardless of what you’ve already been through. You can lay down your burdens. It’s okay for you to be free. In fact, you deserve it!

These six steps will help you move forward and find the freedom you need to begin living a fuller, more enjoyable life, regardless of what lies in your past:

1. Talk about it. Discuss your past pain, fear, disappointment or trauma with a trusted friend or family member. Fully express the feelings associated with the situation: cry, scream, or do whatever you need to do to release the bottled up emotions in a safe way.

Until you really talk about the feelings connected to your past, you may not be able to move past them. Once you’ve spoken the words, release them from your mind forever. As hard as it may be, it’s the only way to free yourself from your past.

…let us turn our hearts away from the world of matter and live in the spiritual world! It alone can give us freedom!    (‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Paris Talks, p. 110)

2. Use a journal. Writing in a journal is an excellent way to pour out your pain. A journal offers the safety of knowing your words are just for you and won’t be read by anyone else. Don’t worry about spelling, grammar, or even if the words follow a logical progression, simply write from the heart.

Physically writing your thoughts and feelings can release your emotions so you can move past them.

And as you come to the end of your writing, reflect on the good that came out of the event.

To look always at the good and not at the bad. If a man has ten good qualities and one bad one, to look at the ten and forget the one. And if a man has ten bad qualities and one good one, to look at the one and forget the ten.  (Dr. J.E. Esselmont, Bahá’u’lláh and the New Era, p. 83)

3. Seek forgiveness. Many people misunderstand the meaning of forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean what happened to you is unimportant or you’re saying it’s “okay.” In fact, forgiveness isn’t about the other person at all.

Forgiveness simply means that you’ve made the choice to let go of the desire to exact revenge and punishment, and you’ve found closure within your heart and soul.

Forgiveness releases you from the burden of carrying the pain any longer. By choosing to forgive, you can stop thinking about the past so it won’t control your future.

The Bahá’í Writings tell us:

You are urged to strive to develop for¬giveness in your heart . . . and to attain a level of insight which sees them as captives of their lower nature, whose actions can only lead them deeper into unhappiness and separation from God. By this means, you can liberate yourself from the anger to which you refer in your letter. (Universal House of Justice to an individual, Dec. 2, 1985)

4. Seek professional guidance. You can choose to get help from a life coach or therapist.  The people closest to us aren’t always the best choice to help us work through our pain. It may be difficult for us to fully open up about our deepest pain or it may be hard for them to step back far enough to help us through it.

Seeking guidance from a professional gives us the safety of relative anonymity, which can make it easier to share our problems. Often a coach or counselor can help us see a new point of view, which can help us move forward.  If you need the help of a life coach, Susan provides the first 30 minutes at no cost to you.  Click here to email her for more information.

5. Use alternative therapies. There are many techniques you can use to help change your mindset, which can be instrumental in leaving the past behind.

One method, known as EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique, uses the principles of acupuncture (without the needles!) to help you take the “charge” out of your feelings. EFT is done by tapping with your fingertips on the meridian points in the upper part of your body.

The tapping sequence, combined with verbally expressing your feelings, helps break up the blockage of energy caused by the negative feelings, allowing you to release them.  For more information, do a Google search – there are lots of good articles on EFT out there.

6.  Read the Bahá’í Writings, morning and night.  Not only is it a requirement, it serves a practical function as well.  As we see in the Bahá’í Writings:

Peruse My verses with joy and radiance. Verily they will attract you unto God and will enable you to detach yourselves from all save this resplendent Tablet.  (Bahá’u'lláh, The Compilation of Compilations, vol. I, p. 188)

Hanging onto past negativity isn’t necessary. No matter what your history contains, you can learn to release it and move forward into a life filled with contentment and joy. Find a method that works for you and begin, today, to let go of the past and move into the life you deserve!

My BNASAA Story

by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach

The Bahá’í Network on AIDS, Sexuality, Addictions and Abuse (BNASAA) is holding its 20th anniversary celebrations on November 6-8, 2009 at Green Acre Bahá’í School.  They were asking for “transformation stories” in order to capture the impact of the BNASAA process in the last 20 years.  What follows is my story.

I didn’t go to the first BNASAA conference.  I could have.  I saw the ad in Bahá’í Canada and even called Marjorie for more information.  The first man I ever loved had AIDS at the time, and he died in December 1989, a year after his diagnosis.  Although I was married to somebody else, I helped him die that year.  So it would have made sense to go, but I thought I was strong enough on my own and didn’t need a group.  How wrong I was.

My marriage ended shortly after and a year and a half into my year of patience, I fell in love with a woman.  I’d read all the Writings.  I knew it was wrong.  I just couldn’t make it stop – so when BNASAA held its second conference on homosexuality, at Green Acre, I went.  I knew that the purpose wasn’t to challenge the law, but I hoped I’d meet other gay Bahá’ís who’d found a loophole that would make it all right.  I really thought we’d talk about being gay and about being Bahá’í, but informally we talked about using sex as an addiction (a new concept for me), and formally we heard about being created noble and then abasing ourselves.  It all made sense – and I became a BNASAA groupie.

Since BNASAA didn’t have the loopholes I was looking for, I wrote to the House of Justice – looking for their approval and I got it.  They told me it was OK to love someone of the same sex, and they told me I was living in a society that sexualized everything, so it was no wonder that so many people confused love and sex.  It was hard to hear that sex belonged to a married heterosexual couple, and that there was no way for this law to change, but the letter was full of love and although I didn’t like it, I knew that this Faith was bigger than my likes and dislikes, so with the help of 2 Local Spiritual Assemblies I left the relationship, willing to align with the will of God.

It wasn’t easy.  We owned a house together and I had to sell my interest, losing my entire investment in the process.  The stress precipitated a major depressive episode and I wasn’t able to work.  I went onto long term disability and stayed there for many years.  I lost the remainder of my life savings and moved into a one room shack in the woods with my 8 year old son, where we lived for 2 years.

Of course, the depression wasn’t all because of my decision to leave.  The third BNASAA conference focused on Addictions, but what everyone wanted to talk about was the abuse that fed into the addictions.  I’d been working through my abuse issues for several years, which were triggered by Randy’s diagnosis of AIDS, and made worse with every loss.  This series of losses was just the final straw.

The BNASAA conferences raised more questions than answers, and I often left, writing more letters to the House asking for clarity and sharing their answers with each subsequent conference.

I never would have been able to attend the BNASAA conferences without the generous subsidies from the scholarship fund, so if you are one of the angels who paid my way over the years, please know that I am eternally grateful.

Each conference left me more determined than ever to align with the teachings of the Bahá’í Faith.  As instructed, I read the Writings morning and night, and almost always found a quote that gave me insights into my struggle.  I collected the quotes, and in 1996 was invited to share them with a conference at LouHelen.  Up till that point, they were all in a file drawer, and I didn’t know what I had till I grouped them together, and a book was born.

I didn’t like telling my story and being the centre of attention (my abusers told me that if I talked about what happened to me, I would be killed, and since I’d watched it happen to others, I knew it to be true), and at several conferences, I was unable to function and needed the support of the on-call therapist.

I owe another debt of gratitude to Pat Romano McGraw, who understood triggers and dissociative disorders and post traumatic stress and was able to get me though some tough situations.

It was hard having all these writings at my disposal, and not living up to them.  As it says in the Tablet of Ahmad:  “the wisdom of every command shall be tested” and I was testing most of them!  I was back into another relationship, unable to live up to the standards of the Faith, about to become a household name when the book came out, and I wasn’t doing what it said to do.  All of the quotes were nothing but “shoulds” and I was sinking under the weight.

But I kept going to the conferences and I kept trying to bring my life into alignment with the Writings, and I guess it must have had some effect, because at the last conference, I met some people I hadn’t seen for several years, and they called me a poster child for BNASAA transformation, and I am grateful for this yardstick by which to measure my progress.  I think what they saw was my smile, and my willingness to make eye-contact, two things I hadn’t done at the earlier conferences.

I still have a long way to go.  I still struggle with anxiety and depression, and still live under a cloud of despair from time to time, but I do have hope, and most days, I can see light at the end of the tunnel.

At the beginning of the journey I wanted to talk to others who’d made it through, and I couldn’t find anyone.  I promised that if I made it through, I’d show others it’s possible.  So now the book is out in the world (Abuse and Violence:  Reasons and Remedies, Bahá’í Publishing Trust India, 2009), taking on a life of its own, and I’ve started a Bahá’í-inspired life coaching practice, with a strong presence on the web, sharing the quotes with others and helping people apply the Writings to their everyday life situations.

It was a real step, breaking the silence imposed on me by my abusers, putting my story out there on the internet.  You can find it if you look deeply enough, at www.susangammage.com

I know these stories are meant to be anonymous, but sharing my story publically is part of my healing.

I’m proud to be affiliated with BNASAA and 10% of the royalties from the book are going back into the scholarship fund.  Thank you God, for BNASAA and all the selfless steadfast sacrifices of its organizers!  May we have 20 more good years, and 20 more after that.  The world is waiting!  Yá Bahá’u’l-Abhá!

Have you ever been to a BNASAA conference?  Share your experiences here: