Battling and Overcoming Stress During Ayyam-i-Ha - A Baha’i Approach

by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach

Baha’is celebrate the festival of Ayyam-i-Ha each year from sunset on Feb. 25 to sunset of March 1 as a preparation for the Fast (March 2 – 20). During this time, Bahá’ís perform acts of charity, give gifts to friends and family, and attend social gatherings.

Baha’u'llah has said of Ayyam-i-Ha:

It behoveth the people of Baha, throughout these days, to provide good cheer for themselves, their kindred and, beyond them, the poor and needy, and with joy and exultation to hail and glorify their Lord, to sing His praise and magnify His Name. (Bahá’u'lláh, Kitáb-i-Aqdas, p. 25)

Because the Faith is so new (165 years old), and many of weren’t born Bahá’ís, each person must decide how to accomplish this lofty goal. Some people find this very stressful.

Battling and overcoming stress during the holidays can be a challenge to anyone. There are a number of things that can lead to this type of stress:

• Having to establish new traditions instead of relying on old ones
• Finding time and inspiration to perform acts of charity
• Lack of other Bahá’ís to celebrate with – so the four days are just like every other day
• Planning menus and grocery shopping for the fast

And typical of non-Bahá’í holiday stress comes:

• Family gatherings
• Gift buying
• Conflicts
• And more

You may also have high expectations of what you want the holidays to look like, which also adds to the stress of your holiday season.

Here are some methods you can use to battle and overcome stress during the holidays:

Are you overcommitted? Even though the rest of the world doesn’t slow down at this time of year, it’s important to make time to both host and attend social gatherings.

Saying “no thank you” to some less important obligations will help people understand and appreciate the unique rhythm of our Faith, and will free up more time for socializing and being of service.

It’s important to honour and enjoy the spirit of the holidays. If it takes saying “no” to preserve some of your sanity, go for it! Others will be more understanding than you give them credit for.

Don’t become so burdened that you secretly wish for Ayyam-i-Ha to pass quickly. Take time to be by yourself. Whether you take a walk in nature, retreat into the Writings, journal or have a bubble bath, allow yourself to do something enjoyable to prepare for the Fast.

Carrying on traditions. Growing up, we may have preconceived ideas of what “should” be done. Maybe we watched our mothers cook a full course Christmas dinner. Perhaps it was routine to host a lavish holiday party. Maybe your family baked hundreds of Christmas cookies to give to friends and relatives. You don’t have to re-create Christmas!

Rather than living up to the expectations of years past, start your own, easy-going traditions. Instead of throwing a lavish party, have fewer friends over for tea and cookies. Allow other family members to bring side dishes to the holiday meal rather than cooking it all yourself.

If you find that the routine you normally follow for the pure and simple sake of tradition is weighing on you and resulting in more stress than you can deal with, break away from it! You will be happier when you’re free from this stress.

Finding the perfect gift. There’s so much pressure to purchase the perfect gift for each person that it takes all the fun out of shopping. Remember, people are generally appreciative for whatever gift they receive. They don’t expect you to go to every corner of the Earth to find them a spectacular gift.

Save time and money by skipping the wrapping! Creativity is the main focus. You can even give gifts that can be used throughout the year. For example, you may give a coupon in a card for a free night of babysitting, one day of yard work, or other special things.

Shopping online has made searching for gifts much easier. It might also be more cost effective to buy online because many stores offer special sales or free shipping near the holidays.

Be grateful! Hailey Tallman, a Bahá’í from the London (Canada) Community reminds us:

During this happy time of Ayyam-i-ha, let us celebrate an astounding fact:

We as Baha’is know the meaning of this life!  It has been revealed to us by Baha’u'llah and we repeat it everyday in our obligatory prayer:

“I bear witness, O my God, that Thou hast created me to know Thee and to worship Thee.  I testify at this moment, to my powerlessness and to Thy might, to my poverty and to Thy wealth.  There is none other God but Thee, the Help in Peril, the Self-Subsisting.”

AND, because of Baha’u'llah, we have a hopeful vision of the future:

“These fruitless strifes, these ruinous wars shall pass away, and the ‘Most great Peace’ shall come…” (Bahá’u'lláh, Proclamation of Bahá’u'lláh, p. viii)

This is more than the average person alive today knows in their hearts.  What an amazing bounty and joy we have in this knowledge! And what a gift we have to share with others!  Let us not delay or shy away from any opportunity to spread this love and knowledge of the meaning of life!

As you can see, there are several effective ways to battle and overcome stress during the holidays. The key is to determine what’s causing your stress so you can eliminate it. In the end, you’ll see that most of the stress you experience is a result of the expectations you pose on yourself.

Happy Ayyam-i-Ha, everybody!

What do you do to make this holiday special and stress-free? Post your comments here:

Top 10 Self-Confidence Building Tips - A Baha’i Approach

by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach

Often when people start Bahá’í inspired life coaching, they lack confidence. Why is this a challenge? A lack of confidence can affect every area of your life, from your job performance to your personal relationships. In reality, how you perceive yourself has a powerful impact on how others treat you. Is there any reason to stay stuck, when the Bahá’í Writings teach us:

Noble have I created thee, yet thou hast abased thyself. Rise then unto that for which thou wast created. (Bahá’u'lláh, Hidden Words Arabic 22)

Some factors in bolstering self-confidence may be beyond your control, but there are some very tangible things that you can do as well. Using these tips will help you reach your full potential as a successful and confident person.

1. Dress confidently. Dress like the person you want to be and you’ll feel yourself become that person. When you look good, you’ll feel good. Now, this doesn’t mean that you have to go out and spend a fortune on clothes. It’s better to buy a few really nice pieces than a bunch of cheap ones.

2. Walk faster. People who walk confidently keep a brisk pace because they have things to do and places to be. Simply quickening your step will help you feel more confident.

3. Keep good posture. People can tell a lot about you by the way you carry yourself. If you have slumped shoulders and cannot look people in the eye, you’ll leave a negative impression on them. Keep your head up, make eye contact with others, and stand up straight and tall. You have nothing to hide.

4. Be grateful. Gratitude creates a state of peace in the body. A peaceful mind radiates confidence. Make a list of the things you appreciate about yourself and be grateful for your past successes. Tell those you love how much you appreciate them being in your life.

5. Compliment others. In addition to showing appreciation for what you have, it’s also important to show others your appreciation. If you think negatively about yourself, then you’ll have a tendency to criticize others. Break this habit by praising others on a daily basis. Seeing the best in others will bring out the best in you. How do we know? The Bahá’í Writings teach:

Never speak disparagingly of others, but praise without distinction. Pollute not your tongues by speaking evil of another. (’Abdu’l-Bahá, Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 453)

6. Give back. Contributing to the success of others will not only help you feel better about yourself, but karma will reward you in the end. What goes around comes around, right? Volunteer your time to help those in need or make a monetary contribution to your favorite local charity.

By assisting in the success of another servant in the Cause does one in reality lay the foundation for one’s own success and aspirations. (‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Star of the West. Vol. 6, No. 6, p. 44)

7. Don’t be afraid to speak up. Many people keep quiet for fear of saying something silly. Taking an active role in discussions will distinguish you as a leader amongst your peers. They will quickly recognize that you have confidence and plenty to offer.

8. Exercise regularly. If you work hard to create a better physical image, you’ll not only be healthier, but you’ll also have more energy. Both of these things will contribute to your self-confidence, as will the compliments you’ll receive.

9. Sit in the front row. Most of us have a tendency to try to blend into the back of the room somewhere. We don’t like being noticed. Confident people sit up front where they can take part in discussions without fear.

10. Take a chance and try something new. Learning a new hobby or activity will broaden your horizons and help you feel “alive.” Anytime you spend stretching your mind improves your overall self-confidence.

Life’s Lessons

The more self-confidence you build in yourself, the more likely you’ll be to succeed. No matter what task you choose to conquer, you’ll do so with enthusiasm. Any setbacks you encounter won’t bother you because you’ll have the confidence necessary to continue. The Bahá’í Writings teach:

When calamity striketh, be ye patient and composed. However afflictive your sufferings may be, stay ye undisturbed, and with perfect confidence in the abounding grace of God, brave ye the tempest of tribulations and fiery ordeals. (‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Selections from the Writings of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, p. 64)

Those who are insecure often find life to be a struggle, but with self-confidence, you can find it to be a joy. Why suffer when you can soar!

How do you build your self-confidence? Post your comments here.

How To Be Grateful in Times of Need - A Baha’i Approach

by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach

As I often hear in my Baha’i life coaching business:  It’s not always easy to find the goodness in life, especially when money is tight and you’re faced with worries about your job or family. These worries can often cloud your whole mind, bring your mood down, and affect your overall quality of life.

An example from the Bahai Writings illustrates:

A bright and happy face cheers people on their way. If you are sad and pass a child who is laughing, the child seeing your face will cease to laugh, not knowing why. (‘Abdu’l-Bahá, ‘Abdu’l-Bahá in London, p. 131)

If you feel like you’re being followed by the ominous black cloud of bad luck, then it’s time to find something to be grateful for in your life.

Remind Yourself About What’s Going Right

If you’re plagued by negative thoughts, find a quiet place, grab a pen and paper and make a list of answers to this question: What do I have to be grateful for in my life?

Start your list with the most obvious things, your health and family. Do you have a car? A home? Clothes on your back? Food on the table?

· You don’t have to have the fanciest or the most expensive items for you to be grateful. Even if you buy your clothes at Goodwill, at least you’re clothed and warm. A used car in good condition will get you to work just as easily as a brand new car.

· Don’t forget to give thanks for the small things in life, such as finding the car keys in time to get to work or getting a restful night sleep before an important day.

You can also try to sit quietly in a room and meditate on your life and things you want to improve on. Appreciating what you already have in life will free you to make the changes you desire. We get a glimmer of how many things we might be able to give thanks for, in this quote from the Bahá’í Writings:

If we should offer a hundred thousand thanksgivings every moment to the threshold of God . . . we would fail to express our gratitude sufficiently. (’Abdu’l-Bahá, Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 37)

Being Grateful In Spite of Setbacks

There’s no denying that you will suffer setbacks in life. It’s a fact of life! While it may be difficult to be grateful during these times, it’s important to remember that good can come from difficult situations. This is one of my favorite quotes from the Bahai Writings:

If Khidr did wreck the vessel on the sea, Yet in this wrong there are a thousand rights. (Baha’u'llah, The Seven Valleys, p. 26)

For example, if you’ve recently lost your job, be grateful for the skills you have. With your skills, experience, and the knowledge you possess, you may end up finding a more fulfilling job that gives you more money or more responsibility while being closer to home.

As strange as it may sound in the moment of despair, try to be grateful during difficult times because, as one door closes, another opens the way to new opportunities. After all, you can’t find bright new possibilities in your life if you don’t experience a setback at one point or another.

Be Thankful For Life’s Setbacks

Setbacks are there to challenge you to be better, stronger, faster, and wiser. The true test of your attitude is to be thankful for the obstacle ahead of you (even if you don’t understand why it exists in the first place), then push forward, stronger than ever.

Why should you be thankful? Because with each challenge you overcome, you gain the wisdom and courage to succeed the next time around. And if it weren’t for each and every challenge in your life, you’d never learn and grow!

Being grateful everyday will help you lift that overbearing black cloud that can be so stifling. You’ll begin realize that life is good and you can make it through anything. After all, good things come to those who wait!

How has gratitude helped you though your times of need? Post your comments here:

Express Your Feelings with Gratitude - A Baha’i Approach

by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach

The topic of feelings often arises when I’m coaching people, and sometimes people wonder:  How can I express my feelings peacefully?  What do the Baha’i Writings teach about this?

In his poem, A Poison Tree, the great poet William Blake wrote, “I was angry with my friend. I told my wrath, my wrath did end. I was angry with my foe. I told it not, my wrath did grow.”

When you suppress your feelings, both positive and negative ones, you’re keeping yourself from being all that you can be. Not only that but if you internalize your emotions, you are growing into the very same ‘poisoned tree’ that William Blake wrote about.

Don’t Plant the Poison Tree Seed

When you conceal your true feelings, there’s an internal pressure that causes negative emotions like anger, resentment, fear, and hatred to swell up and take on more potential energy within you. The day always comes when those emotions explode outward because of the pressure.

When this happens you might say things you don’t mean that may cause deep pain to those you love the most. The possible negative actions and reactions that stem from your suppressed feelings could fill an entire notebook, which is all the more reason to express your feelings truthfully and peacefully!  Why truthfully?

Truthfulness is the foundation of all human virtues. Without truthfulness progress and success, in all the worlds of God, are impossible for any soul. (Bahá’u'lláh, Advent of Divine Justice, p. 22.)

Why peacefully?

It [consultation] requires all participants to express their opin­ions with absolute freedom and without apprehension that they will be censured and/or their views belittled. (From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer, 24 January, 1993)

By honestly expressing your feelings you can diffuse the negative energy and immediately start feeling more peace within you. After all, you’ll feel less stress, tension, and anger when all feelings are put out on the table. Expressing your feelings constructively will help you speak more sensitively and rationally and see the good within others.

Gratitude Goes a Long Way in Expressing Yourself

Now, openly expressing your negative feelings doesn’t mean you should go around putting others down and it also doesn’t mean finger wagging or accusing. Instead, find a more constructive way to get things off your chest. You might find it’s best for you to write your feelings down and send them off in an e-mail. If you have the creative ability, write a poem or a song about your feelings. Whatever you do, focus on the problem, not the person. After all, we all make mistakes!  As Baha’u'llah teaches:

. . . an enlightened man of wisdom should primarily speak with words as mild as milk, that the children of men may be nurtured and edified thereby and may attain the ultimate goal of human existence which is the station of true understanding and nobility. (Bahá’u'lláh, Tablets of Bahá’u'lláh, pp. 172-173)

If you think you can’t be that open about your feelings, always express what you are thankful for first. For example, you can start with a positive compliment then gradually express your frustrations.

If you feel like you have nothing to be grateful for, you’re not looking hard enough. There are plenty of joys within your life that your negative emotions often disguise. For example, did you have a nourishing breakfast this morning? Then you have something to be thankful for! Have you ever had a rewarding conversation with a loved one that made you see them with new eyes? Then you have something to be thankful for!

Focus on these positive, rewarding experiences first and foremost, then express your feelings openly and honestly. With an attitude of gratitude for all that you have, you will feel confident in your right to express how you feel.

In his poem, why did Blake readily tell his anger to his friend? He cared about his friend and was grateful to have him, so he wanted to diffuse his anger right away. However, when it came to Blake’s foe, he was not so grateful and, instead, suffered greatly as he became a poisoned tree within his soul.

Remember, your spirit remains within you and affects how you think, feel, and act. So seek peace within your heart and mind with the power of gratitude!

Have you ever found the courage to tell someone how you were feeling? Post your experience here.

In the Service of Life

by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach

In my Bahá’í inspired life coaching practice, people often ask about the concept of service and how it differs from codependence. Where does selflessness fit? Where does being selfless cross the line into being a doormat?

Many years back, I discovered this incredibly insightful article which explained it perfectly so I reprint it here. It’s by Rachel Naomi Remen, and I found it at: http://www.theinterpretersfriend.com/Terpsnet/11.html

In recent years the question “how can I help?” has become meaningful to many people. But perhaps there is a deeper question we might consider. Perhaps the real question is not “how can I help? But “how can I serve?”

Serving is different from helping. Helping is based on inequality; it is not a relationship between equals. When you help you use your own strength to help those of lesser strength. If I’m attentive to what’s going on inside of me when I’m helping, I find that I’m always helping someone who’s not as strong as I am, who is needier than I am. People feel this inequality.

When we help we may inadvertently take away from people more than we could ever give them; we may diminish their self-esteem, their sense of worth, integrity and wholeness. When I help I am very aware of my own strength. But we don’t serve with our strength, we serve with ourselves. We draw from all of our experiences. Our limitations serve, our wounds serve, even our darkness can serve. The wholeness in us serves the wholeness in others and the wholeness in life. The wholeness in you is the same as the wholeness in me. Service is a relationship between equals.

Helping incurs debt. When you help someone they own you one. But serving, like healing, is mutual. There is no debt. I am as served as the personal I am serving. When I help, I have a feeling of satisfaction. When I serve, I have a feeling of gratitude. These are very different things.

Serving is also different from fixing. When I fix a person I perceive them as broken, and their broken-ness requires me to act. When I fix I do not see the wholeness in the other person or trust the integrity of the life in them. When I serve I see and trust that wholeness. It is what I am responding to and collaborating with.

There is distance between ourselves and whatever or whomever we are fixing. Fixing is a form of judgments. All judgment creates distance, a disconnection, and experience of difference. In fixing there is an inequality of expertise that can easily become a more distance. We cannot serve at a distance. We can only serve that to which we are profoundly connected, that which we are willing to touch. This is Mother Teresa’s basic message. We serve life not because it is broken but because it is holy.

Hope you found this as insightful as I did!

I want to leave you with a quote from the Bahá’í Writings as a final thought:

The service of the friends belongs to God, not to them.

(Abdu’l-Baha, Tablets of Abdu’l-Baha v1, p. 61)

What are your thoughts?  Post your comments here.

Developing Good Sleep Habits – A Bahá’í Perspective

by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach

In my Bahá’í-inspired life coaching practice, I often meet people who are somewhat confused by the whole topic of sleep. It seems as though there is too much to do in any given day, and it’s hard for them to shut off at night. Sometimes people ask, how much sleep do I really need? The Bahá’í Writings teach:

Regarding your question: There are very few people who can get along without eight hours sleep. If you are not one of those, you should protect your health by sleeping enough. The Guardian himself finds that it impairs his working capacity if he does not try and get a minimum of seven or eight hours. (Shoghi Effendi, Lights of Guidance, p. 291)

So how do you stack up?

When you wake up, do you immediately look forward to going back to bed? When the alarm goes off does it seem as though you just closed your eyes? It’s time to get a good night sleep! After all, it’s amazing what a restful night’s sleep can do for your body.

Battling chronic exhaustion will either force you to find ways to get more rest or it’ll bring on ill health. Naturally, you’ll want to develop an effective sleep routine before your body forces you to rest!

Try some of these sleep tips so you can get a better night’s sleep and wake up feeling energized:

1. Make your bedroom your sanctuary. Keep your bedroom neat and quiet so you feel calm upon entering. Your bedroom needs to be a getaway from the stress of the day. When a TV is on, even if you aren’t watching it, the light output feels almost as great as the sun. This confuses your body and makes it hard to “shut down” even after you’ve turned off the screen.

· If you have a TV or a home office in your bedroom, it will interfere with your ability to go to sleep. Move the television out of the bedroom or at the very least, try placing a sheet over it so you’re not tempted to watch it before bed.

2. Keep your room dark. Your body is designed to sleep when it’s dark. If you’re not used to this, try it for a while anyway. Children are used to sleeping with a light on but you’ll soon realize that it’s a huge distraction in getting to sleep. Pull the curtains closed, turn off all the lights, shut your door, then sleep like you’re hibernating!

· Many stores sell “blackout” curtains that block out the sunlight so the room remains dark. Consider using these curtains to fully darken the room.

3. Exercise during the day. Exercising during the day releases stress hormones to help you feel more relaxed. Most forms of exercise will pep you up and give you more energy immediately afterwards so make sure you exercise well ahead of bedtime.

· The energy you receive from daytime exercise will give you more restful nights because your body will be less stressed and more relaxed. You’ll be giving your body a total makeover!

· Even though yoga is considered relaxing, it may keep you awake if done in the evening hours. Plan your exercise routine either in the morning or late afternoon.

4. Make yourself a bedtime routine. This doesn’t only work with kids. If you get in the habit of going to bed at a certain time, your body will expect to be sleeping. Some recommend milk right before bed, as it contains the sleep inducing chemical tryptophan.

· Create a bedtime routine that involves things that make you tired, such as soft music, a warm shower, light reading material, or journaling.

· Television stimulates the mind too much, which can cause difficulty sleeping. Try recording your favorite nighttime TV shows to watch the next day, rather than staying up late.

5. Leave daytime stress outside. In order to rest, you’ll want to put aside things that keep your mind whirling. By keeping a calendar of things to do the next day, you can put your mind to rest.

· Make sure you’ve dealt with all the questions that keep you awake – what bills need to be paid, what time the doctor appointment is, and so on, before you lay down. This frees you up for sleep.

6. Say a prayer and read the Bahá’í Writings. Exposing your mind to the word of God as the last thing you do before going to sleep, will protect you for the night and set you up for a good night’s sleep. The Bahai Writings teach:

Recite ye the verses of God every . . . eventide. Were a man to read a single verse with joy and radiance it would be better for him . . . Lay . . . upon your souls that which will lighten and uplift them, so that they may soar on the wings of the Divine verses towards the Dawning-place of His manifest signs; this will draw you nearer to God, did ye but comprehend. (Baha’u'llah, The Kitab-i-Aqdas, p. 73)

This is one of my favorites:

O Lord, I have turned my face unto Thy kingdom of oneness and am immersed in the sea of Thy mercy. O Lord, enlighten my sight by  beholding Thy lights in this dark night, and make me happy by the wine of Thy love in this wonderful age. O Lord, make me hear Thy call, and open before my face the doors of Thy heaven, so that I may see the light of Thy glory and become attracted to Thy beauty. Verily, Thou art the Giver, the Generous, the Merciful, the Forgiving. (Baha’i Prayers, p. 60)

Once you’ve learned to rest well at night, you’ll experience a huge improvement in your quality of life. No more yawning through the mornings and the groggy, grumpy you will be replaced with an energetic person ready to take on life.

So what are you waiting for? Start a relaxing bedtime routine tonight and wake up feeling refreshed tomorrow!

What helps you sleep better? Post your comments here:

How to Overcome Failure – A Bahai Perspective

by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach

Most people make the mistake in thinking that, just because they failed at something, they should just move on. Or, if they failed it meant they were never meant to succeed at it. Wrong, wrong, wrong!  I help people deal with this every day in my Baha’i-inspired life coaching practice.

When you’re trying to accomplish something, failure is actually the best thing that can happen to you. Seriously! Do you think the light bulb was invented the first time around? No! In fact, Thomas Edison took thousands of tries to get it just right!

What about the first wheel or the telephone? Of course it takes multiple tries by multiple people to reach success, but the key point to remember is that you have to fail in order to know that you’ve succeeded.

Real Life Examples of Failure

· Think of a toddler learning how to walk. Although they give a fair share of tantrums during the learning stages, they pull themselves up after each fall and try to walk again. Instinctively they’re teaching themselves how to perfect the movement all based on their past mistakes or failures. It’s a trial and error process!

· People struggling with weight loss often feel like failures when they gain weight while dieting. Keeping a weight loss journal can help them track their progress and learn to recognize what triggers them to fail. Perhaps there are emotional or physical triggers that can be prevented. Learning from these mistakes will teach them how to combat those same problems in the future.

There is another benefit to failing: failure opens doors that will allow you to find out what you’re really destined to do.

The Bahai Writings teach:

Failures, tests, and trials, if we use them correctly, can become the means of purifying our spirit, strengthening our characters, and enable us to rise to greater heights of service.

(Shoghi Effendi, Lights of Guidance, p. 601)

We see failure opening doors in college all the time. Certainly you know at least one person who went to college with the intent of getting one degree and as they went through their course work, having their successes and failures, they discovered a new career interest and changed their major.

Think of a student who went to college to become a nurse but soon realized what they really enjoy is teaching. The whole reason they were going into nursing was to help educate people to improve their lives and they found the best way to do that is not as a nurse, but as a teacher. There’s nothing wrong with that!

As long as you’re able to learn from your “mistakes,” then they’re not mistakes at all – they are opportunities for success! There’s always something to learn from each and every situation and once you understand the lesson, it will make you a better person.

Failure makes you a stronger person. Imagine what it would be like if everything you did always went your way. Imagine that you were successful at everything you attempted your whole life and then one day it happened… you failed! You failed so badly that it caused you to lose everything. How in the world would you deal with that failure if you’ve never had to overcome an obstacle before?

From the Writings of the Bahá’í Faith we learn:

Every believer needs to remember that an essential characteristic of this physical world is that we are constantly faced with trials, tribulations, hardships and sufferings and that by overcoming them we achieve our moral and spiritual development; that we must seek to accomplish in the future what we may have failed to do in the past; that this is the way God tests His servants and we should look upon every failure or shortcoming as an opportunity to try again and to acquire a fuller consciousness of the Divine Will and purpose.

(Universal House of Justice, Lights of Guidance, p. 366)

Failing allows you to become more resilient so you can always figure out a way to move forward.

The first wheel may have been square and it moved, but it was wobbly and eventually fell over, but the inventors never gave up! They began to figure out how to make it rounder so it would roll smoothly. You can do the same in your life! You can’t give up, you have to pick yourself up and figure out a way to roll forward, stronger than ever!

As we see in the Bahá’í Writings:

He strongly urges you not to dwell on yourself. Each one of us, if we look into our failures, is sure to feel unworthy and despondent, and this feeling only frustrates our constructive efforts and wastes time. The thing for us to focus on is the glory of the Cause and the Power of Bahá’u'lláh which can make of a mere drop a surging sea!

(Shoghi Effendi, Lights of Guidance, p. 115)

How have you turned failure into a success? Post your comments here:

Defeating Disappointment – A Bahá’í Perspective

by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach

We’ve all been there. We think we’re well on our way towards a specific goal – whether it’s a new career or a new lease on life – when all of a sudden disaster strikes! We have a setback. Perhaps you didn’t capture the heart of your crush, the promotion fell through, or somehow your perfect plan just didn’t work out. Sometimes we even ask, “Why me?”

The Bahá’í Writings teach:

Every soul seeketh an object and cherisheth a desire, and day and night striveth to attain his aim. One craveth riches, another thirsteth for glory and still another yearneth for fame, for art, for prosperity and the like. Yet finally all are doomed to loss and disappointment. (Abdu’l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of Abdu’l-Baha, p. 204)

So, disappointment is only human. However, knowing how to accept, manage, and strategize beyond disappointment is the real key to success!

Here are some excellent tips to enable you to stay on track, remain motivated, and defeat your disappointments so that you can overcome them and reap your success:

1. Accept reality. Disappointment is a necessary part of life. In order to experience success, every person must face setbacks or disappointment sometime in their life. The reality of life gives us the polarity of setbacks and successes to better appreciate our wins. Such setbacks also encourage us to strive harder to achieve our goals.

· Overcoming challenges brings us the wisdom to reach even higher goals.

2. Accept relativity. Facing up to the fact that life will always bring trials to overcome will help you beat disappointment in your current mission. Hindsight will inevitably show you that no setback is as big as you thought it was at the time.

· Realizing that life could have handed you a much larger disappointment helps you put the setback in perspective.

Do not dwell. When you are hit with a challenge to obtaining your goal, it can be very easy to sink into disappointment. If you find yourself having a pity party, pull yourself up with some positive thinking. Above all else, do not dwell on the last snafu in your struggle to succeed. Dwelling on your disappointment will not change the fact that it happened.

· Spending your time feeling sorry for yourself will delay your success as well as permeate your life with unnecessary pessimism and futility.

Repeat this line from a Bahá’í prayer for spiritual growth:

I will not dwell on the unpleasant things of life.  (‘Abdu’l-Baha, Baha’i Prayers, p. 151)

3. Create realistic expectations. Like many people today, you may be harboring an unrealistic expectation of yourself. Perhaps you had this inspiring idea to change your life in some grand way. Naturally, you want to achieve your goal now and without anything less than stellar performance! However, realistically, you must recognize that achieving your goals may take some time. You can always adjust your expectations higher and higher as you conquer new goals!

· Having unreal expectations of yourself will only set you up for failure, as you cannot reach impossible heights.

As the Báb says in the Bahá’í prayer for protection:

Whatever God hath willed hath been, and that which He hath not willed shall not be. (The Bab, Selections from the Writings of the Bab, p. 190),

so know that whatever happens, the universe is unfolding as it should.

4. Learn from your mistakes. When a setback occurs, the first thing you’d like to do might be to toss in the towel on the whole enterprise! However, a much wiser person bent on success will acknowledge the disappointment as a learning experience.

· If you examine how and why the unwanted situation occurred, then you may be able to restructure your strategy for even bigger and better things than you had originally planned!

5. Stay positive. Lastly, you can surely find your success and win your prize by obliterating disappointment with positive thoughts. Know that you will obtain your goal! Pessimistic thoughts can swallow you whole if you let them, forcing you to delay or give up your dreams altogether.

· Following your positive thoughts with decisive, confident and positive action will propel you to new heights.

Even though disappointment may creep into your life when you least expect it, you can take it in stride by following these techniques. Setbacks don’t define your life; it’s how you react to them that will determine your success. When you face disappointment, learn from the situation, deal with it positively, and confidently move forward toward your goal. Success is yours!

As the Bahá’í Writings state:

Be thou not unhappy; the tempest of sorrow shall pass; regret will not last; disappointment will vanish; the fire of the love of God will become enkindled, and the thorns and briars of sadness and despondency will be consumed! Be thou happy; rest thou assured upon the favors of Baha’, so that uncertainty and hesitation may become non-existent and the invisible outpourings descend upon the arena of being! (Abdu’l-Baha, Tablets of Abdu’l-Baha v3, p. 557)

What helps you deal with your disappointment? Post your comments here.

5 Ways to Focus and Get Back on Task - A Baha’i Perspective

by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach

In my life coaching practice, I’m often asked what the Bahá’í Writings teach about setting goals and keeping focused on the most important tasks. Each day, there are dozens of tasks calling our names, at work, at home and in our Bahá’í communities. With life being so busy it’s easy to lose focus on the big picture. Shoghi Effendi offered some guidance when he said:

[They] must approach their task with absolute detachment, and must concentrate their attention on the most important and pressing issues.  (Principles of Bahai Administration, p. 67)

But, how many times have you gone to bed wondering what you actually accomplished that day? Or have you ever felt like your day was somehow wasted?

To avoid these feelings, you can try a few different methods to get yourself back on track. Rather than bemoaning your wasted time, resolve to regain your focus and get back on task.

There’s a famous quote about focus by the great philosopher Confucius: “If you chase two rabbits, you catch none.” True, there might be people who are able to multitask and do it relatively well; but more often than not, people who split their attention between two different tasks have a more difficult time completing both tasks well. That’s where detachment becomes so important.

Here are five ways to regain your focus and get back on task:

1. Eliminate the distractions. Get rid of the barriers that are causing you to avoid getting things done – it’s that simple! Forget about checking email every five minutes; those emails will still be there when you complete your task. Make a list of distractions and eliminate!

· Turn off the phone and let the voice mail take over.

· Close the blinds in your office.

· Turn off the music if you find yourself singing more than working.

· Simply closing the door to your office can give you more privacy and more focus.

2. Prioritize your work. Rather than working on projects simultaneously, take one thing at a time, focus on it, and worry about all the other projects later. Ultimately, you’ll get a lot more done and you’ll finish it more quickly. You’ll also be recognized by the high quality that you deliver when you’re free from distractions. As the Bahá’í Writings teach:

“Leave the important for the most important” (Shoghi Effendi, Quickeners of Mankind, p. 109)

· Find a way to prioritize that works best for you. Choose either the project that has the earliest deadline or the one with the least components so you can finish it quickly and get it out of the way. There are pros and cons to both systems so tackle it whichever way works for you.

3. Tell everyone to respect your time. There are many nice and respectful ways to tell people to back off. If you’re finding yourself in a time crunch and can’t seem to get away from others, consider letting them know that you need time to finish some important tasks. There are a lot of different ways to do it – just make sure you do!

· Set times that you’ll accept phone calls and even visitors. Tell them to contact you by email and then set a regular time to check your email.

· Set business hours during which people can expect you to return their calls or emails.

4. Set some limitations with your internet access. The internet is wonderful but it can be a huge time waster, especially if you work at a computer all day long. Regain your focus with some self-imposed rules.

· First, close all those windows you’re not using. Avoid MySpace or Facebook, quit searching on eBay, and leave messenger alone!

· Establish certain times each day to use these fun things and just focus on what you have to do. You’ll quickly accomplish more!

5. Have confidence in your abilities. This may seem like a really small thing when it comes to focusing and getting back on task, but believing that you can get everything done that you set out to do puts you in a positive frame of mind and you’ll be less distracted with stress and worry.

· Have confidence that you can complete each task with ease and believe in your ability to deliver. If you’ll just have the confidence, you’re sure to have the focus!

Now that you’ve been introduced to five ways to focus and get back on task, it’s up to you to take action and learn how to focus your thoughts. If you’ve got to get stuff done, follow these steps so you can put yourself – and your goals – first!

What helps you to focus and get back on track? Post your comments here.