by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach
When something doesn’t go your way, what’s the first thought that pops into your head? Do you chastise yourself? Or do you reassure yourself that you are growing stronger and wiser with each challenge you face?
“. . . we must realize that everything which happens is due to some wisdom and that nothing happens without a reason.”
‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 46.
In reality, it’s not the successes that make you a stronger, more successful person; it’s the failures.
This may sound odd, but each failure you have is actually a success. Why, you ask? Because it gives you the opportunity to improve, learn, and try again. Let’s take a look at a couple of the world’s greatest failures that lead to the some of the most ubiquitous inventions of our time.
- Did you know that 3M’s greatest failure was inventing glue that won’t stick? That glue became the basis for the sticky backing on the “Post-It Note.”
- Thomas Edison’s invention of the carbon microphone was a failure which contributed significantly to the commercial success of the telephone and remains in use today.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that each failure you encounter will land you with an immediate success. But it’s always a stepping-stone along the way.
“The more often the captain of a ship is in the tempest and difficult sailing the greater his knowledge beÂcomes. Therefore I am happy that you have had great tribulations and difficulties… Strange it is that I love you and still I am happy that you have sorrows.”
‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Star of the West, Vol. XIV, No. 2, p. 41.
You Can Only Appreciate Success After You’ve Failed
Thomas Edison had an incredibly positive attitude about failure. When he was questioned as to why so many of his experiments were failures, he responded by saying that he never had a failure in any of his experiments, rather, each experiment helped him discover another way that something would not work. In reality, sometimes the only way to know whether you’ve succeeded is to fail.
Learning How to Deal With Disappointment
Dealing with the disappointment of failure can be tough for adults as well as for children. But everyone experiences failure at some point in their lives and teaching our children how to deal with the disappointment is a critical life lesson.
Can you imagine a young adult, either a teen or college student, dealing with their first failures in the workplace? A tantrum at any age is not appealing, never mind from an adult who should know better.
Consider the very wise words of Winston Churchill who said, “Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.” What did he mean exactly? Well here are three reasons why failing is a good thing:
1. Inspiration – Before you laugh, think about your childhood when you didn’t get something right the first time. What did you do? Tried again and again! Each time the thought in your head was, “I am going to get it right this time!” What better motivation do you need?
2. Humility – No one is perfect, sometimes we need to be reminded of that very fact! Can you imagine a world where no one ever failed and we all walked around thinking we were God’s gift to the world?
3. Learning – Success makes you feel good, but failing teaches you a lesson. Think back to the first time you swung a bat, learned to walk, or tried to eat with a fork. Did you do it right the first time? Of course not. Did you figure out with each failure what you were doing wrong? Well if you can swing a bat today, walk and eat with a fork then I guess you did!
Thus you might look upon your own difficulties in the path of service. They are the means of your spirit growing and developing. You will suddenly find that you have conquered many of the probÂlems which upset you, and then you will
wonder why they should have troubled you at all.
Shoghi Effendi, Living the Life, pp. 35-36.
Failure brings positive change and success to those who are resilient. How has failure led to success in your life? Post your comments here.
by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach
Fear is an issue that often comes up in my Bahá’Ă-inspired life coaching business. We’re all human and therefore we all have fears. That’s the way God created us, and we know His work is perfect! Some of us fear death, others fear being alone, and others fear social situations. If you can think of it, there’s someone somewhere that’s afraid of it. But fear is a normal part of life!
The lives of the Founders of our Faith clearly show that to be fundamentally assured does not mean that we live without anxieties. (Quickeners of Mankind, p. 117)
Fear is what protects us and keeps us safe. There are times, though, when fear can hinder us and stop us from enjoying life and experiencing new joys.
When your fear starts to limit what you do in life, you need to conquer that fear. Does your fear of flying stop you from traveling to visit family members or prevent you from taking the vacation of your dreams?
What about socializing with coworkers after work? Have you turned down social invitations simply because you were anxious about not knowing anyone in the group? The Writings of the Bahá’Ă Faith clearly tell us we need to deal with our fears:
…the fears and anxieties that distract their minds…are among the formidable obstacles that stand in the path of every would-be warrior in the service of Bahá’u’lláh, obstacles which he must battle against and surmount in his crusade for the redemption of his own countrymen. (Shoghi Effendi: Citadel of Faith, p. 149)
If your fears are stopping you from taking advantage of the new opportunities in your life, then it’s time to regain control of your life and disallow your fears from paralyzing you. After all, you can’t live in a bubble! It’s time to start living your life instead of watching life passing you by.
To help you gain control of your life, here are a few tips on how to get over your fears:
- First, identify your fears. Get a piece of paper and write down exactly what you’re afraid of. It doesn’t matter how long the list is, whether it has one thing or 15 things on it. And it doesn’t matter if these fears sound irrational. No one needs to see the list other than you. This is about you taking control and getting over your fears.
- Next, figure out why you have the fear. Try to remember a specific incident that might have caused the fear. Maybe your fear of flying intensified because you’ve been on a turbulent flight. Or maybe your fear of dogs stemmed from being bitten as a child.
- If you’ve blocked out these memories because they’re too painful to remember, a professional can help you reach those memories and decipher their meaning. A professional can also advise other forms of treatment, such as hypnosis or the emotional freedom technique (EFT). A life coach can help you set goals to overcome your fears.
- Remember that reliance on God is the strongest and safest weapon which a Bahá’à can carry. Meditate on Bahá’Ă Writings such as:
Rest assured in the protection of God. He will preserve his own children under all circumstances. Be ye not afraid nor be ye agitated. He holds the scepter of power in His hand, and like unto a hen He gathereth his chickens under His wings . . . Now, friends, this is the time of assurance and faith and not fear and dread. (’Abdu’l-Bahá, Star of the West, Vol. 8, No. 19, p. 241.)
Now the hard part begins: overcoming or conquering these fears. Be patient and be prepared to do some work because, just as the fear took time to manifest, it will take time to conquer.
Take Baby Steps
In the movie “What About Bob?” there was a therapist who had a patient who was afraid of everything. The therapist used the “baby step” approach with this patient, which simply means taking small steps, one at a time, to gain more confidence and eventually overcome the fear.
What would your baby steps be? It depends on your fear.
- If you’re afraid of social situations, slowly start going to different events. Start with small groups, perhaps in very open environments, then transition slowly into larger gatherings. The purpose here is to prove to yourself that there’s nothing for you to fear.
- Socialize with a small group of friends you already know. Polish your social skills among people who already know you. You have less to lose and won’t feel as if you must say the right thing at all times.
- If you’re afraid of dogs, take this same approach by visiting a friend who has a dog. Small dogs are much less intimidating (although they might bark more frequently). If your friends don’t have dogs, ask your local vet’s office or animal shelter if you can visit.
- Fear of flying is much more difficult to conquer because of the expense, but you can look into hypnosis. Also, some airports or flight schools might have classes in airplane simulators that help you feel like you’re in an airplane. That type of plan will take more research but will open the world to you.
And don’t forget that:
The source of courage and power is the promotion of the Word of God, and steadfastness in His Love. (Bahá’u'lláh, Bahá’Ă World Faith, p. 141)
By facing your fears and finding a way to overcome them, you will open up your life to many more opportunities. Take control of your life and take action!
How have you faced your fears? What has been helpful? Post your comment here:
by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach
In my life coaching practice, I’m often asked to help people find their purpose in life. As a Baha’i, this is easy: Our purpose in life is to know God and to worship Him. Many people ask: how is this possible, if we can’t see Him?
In order to better understand Him, we look for an image of God we can relate to. Many of us grew up with an image of an angry, punishing man with a long beard up in the sky. If this is our image of God, why would we make our life purpose to know Him and worship Him?
This summer, I had the bounty of being able to go for walks in the local provincial park with Jeremy McClung, a pastor whose goal was to help people find God in nature. His site is at: http://www.muskokacommunitychurch.com/ This posting was inspired by one of his talks.
The other day I was hiking through the woods reflecting on God as an Unknowable Essence and Jeremy inspired me with these insights.
God as an artist: Autumn in Canada is full of colour (vibrant red and yellow and orange), especially where I live, where busloads of tourists (leaf-lookers) come to see the beauty of nature. Imagine an artist whose painting changes 4 times a year!
God as the wind: We can’t see the wind, even though air is around us all the time. Both Air and God are unpredictable and unexpected. We never know what God’s plans are, and they often surprise us. They’re sometimes gentle, sometimes violent, just as the wind. Just as the wind breathes new life into a hot, humid, muggy day, so does God breathe new life into a parched life. My most dangerous prayer is “what next?”, which always invites a push in a direction I couldn’t have foreseen! Sometimes it takes me pioneering or travel teaching and most recently it’s pushing me into starting my Bahá’Ă-inspired life coaching business.
God as the water: There are many references in the Bahá’Ă Writings to the Ocean of God’s presence, and being immersed in the sea of His love. Water is life-giving: without it we won’t live. I’ve often watched my houseplants wilt and become lifeless by forgetting to give them water. Humans wilt and die spiritually without a regular dose of prayer and meditation. When we are thirsty, something deep inside us compels us to look for something to drink. Sometimes we reach for something that is filled with chemicals and caffeine, when what the body wants is water. Spiritually we feel the same longing and deep desire to be quenched by God’s love, and many of us turn to busyness (my personal favorite), shopping, entertainment, perfectionism, sex or addictions, rather than turning to God and allowing Him to quench our thirst. It’s not working for me! How about you?
When things go bad, as they inevitably will, where is our strength? If we rely on ourselves or others we’ll never be able to transcend our difficulties. We’re told:
Forget yourself. God’s help will surely come! When you call on the Mercy of God waiting to reinforce you, your strength will be tenfold. (’Abdul-Bahá, Paris Talks, p. 38)
Where do you find God’s breath pushing you in new directions? Where do you find His life-giving waters? How does this help you find your life purpose? Post your comments here.
